The Government and Shortland Street

A reader writes in:

My fellow Kiwis,

I think that – as a nation – we may have reached a watershed moment.

As our construction sector implodes, our education system quietly dies and our health system lurches desperately from crisis to crisis, kept alive only by the Herculean efforts of our overworked doctors and – in particular – our nurses, our benevolent and all-knowing Minister of Health, Dr Do-Little, has come up with a plan: the Government is teaming up with Shortland Street.

Like Captain Planet before them, with their powers combined, the Government and the writers of Shortland Street will craft and broadcast a sweeping epic of inspiration, struggle against the odds, and finally, of dreams come true.  As the young heroine prevails against the evils of the colonialist patriarchy, no diversity, inclusivity or equality box will be left unticked.  And so moved will the viewers of Shortland Street be, that they – in their hundreds and in their thousands – will at last comprehend that Shortland Street is set in a hospital, that nurses work in hospitals, and that they too could perhaps train to be nurses and so also work in a hospital.

The walls and foundations of our polytechnics will pulse and throb with energy, as rank upon rank of would-be nurses will file into their seats and begin a salvific journey of nation-building.  And in years to come, we will call them as The Greatest Generation and we will offer sacrifices to the writers and producers of Shortland Street.

So let us all take this moment, to give thanks and to rejoice at the wondrous greatness of our Government, and to bask in the warmth of its protective glow.  For surely, we are all like sheep who would have gone astray, were it not for the wisdom, the foresight and above all, the kindness of our Great Leader and her merry band of student activists. 

Sit tight, New Zealand.  The cavalry is coming.