Toby and Toby – very funny
I think even the candidates themselves will enjoy this piss take by Toby and Toby on the leadership candidates. A couple of extracts:
Amy Adams: I’m a cocktail. A blend of tough Auckland upbringing and rarefied Canterbury sheep farmer’s wife. A blend of sensible and generous. A blend of conservative and liberal. A blend of urban and rural. A blend of Amy and Adams.
I’m somewhat unique, quite unique and also very unique. Let’s stabilise this.
Simon Bridges: I’m a cocktail. Experienced and not experienced. Matinee idol and Pop Idol. I’m a new generation and an old generation and happy to just keep saying generation a lot generally. I’m your granddad. I’m your grandson. I’m youth adjacent and I’m oldjacent.
Relentlessly positive and Posilessly relentive. I’m pregnant, with ideas.
Let’s generationalise. Let’s do this brighter future. Yeah?
Judith Collins: Cocktails are for losers.
I’m a flaming absinthe, trailing blisters on the faces of the weak. Strong. Decisive. Fighty. Strongly and decisively fighting against the true enemies of New Zealand: PC virtue signalling snowflake do-gooders on Twitter.
Let’s incinerate this.
Heh.
On countering the Ardern government
Amy Adams: My husband’s a fisherman.
Simon Bridges: Look, I’m excited. And so is Simon Bridges. He also is excited. Simon and I will say that very slowly so you can understand how unmistakably excited he and I are. We’re excited. We’re upbeat. We’re just loving life, really, in a very serious way. Quite frankly, ladies and gentlemen, Simon and I are second to none when it comes to being excited and up and beat.
Judith Collins: Jacinda Ardern is a formidable opponent. And so are the cicadas that keep me awake in my Papakura citadel, and which I effortlessly silence nightly with the power of argument and fire.
And finally:
Supporter endorsements
Amy Adams
Nikki Kaye, MP: Go Amy!
Maggie Barry, MP: Amy, wonderful Amy.
Chris Bishop, MP: Amy.
Tim Macindoe: Hi!
Simon Bridges
Simon: Great guy.
Mr Bridges: The best.
SB: Better than the best.
Another guy called Simon: Agree.
Judith Collins
The whisper of the sea: Judith.
The molten earth: Judith.
The ceaseless inferno: Judith!