Uffindell calls for National to try harder to lose

Satirist Ben Uffindell writes:

If you’ve ever lived in a household, chances are you’ve played a game called Monopoly, a faux contest where families set out to ruin the free market by establishing unfair wealth distribution and enacting strange laws that force people to sleep at the nearest hotel and pay rent for a bizarre number of houses against their will. In real life, we call this “Auckland.”

I’ve played enough games of Monopoly to know that, at some point, someone gets so far ahead that everyone gets extremely bored.

It’s then common practice for the winner to do something outrageously stupid to make the game more competitive and keep everyone else interested.

Prime Minister: if the Government is truly a household, then it’s time for you to be that guy.

Because I often wonder, John, can this really be any fun for you? Are you the kind of person who enjoys beating your children at complex games of strategy? Surely not.

Clearly gifting the campaign of their dreams to your opponents, while having allegations drip-fed against your Government, and a senior minister resigning, simply wasn’t enough.

If you’re going to make this a fair contest, you’re going to have to step your game up and do the equivalent of mortgaging all your properties to buy back the electric company.

Hell, why don’t you literally buy back the electric company? Punch a kid live on television? Film a series of ads in which you endorse David Cunliffe? Take up smoking? Not tobacco; meth.

Just something. Please. Anything.

The only problem with Ben’s plea is that MMP is different to monopoly. In monopoly the person with the most money (votes) wins. In MMP the five players who came 2nd to 6th can team up, pool their votes (money) and be declared the winner.

It is still a close race. Not between National and Labour, but between National and Labour, Greens, NZ First, Mana and Internet.