July 13, 2014 10:00am by David Farrar

Vance translates

Andrea Vance provides some translations. Extracts:

“I’m relatively relaxed about this . . .”

Because my chief of staff is working like billy-o to find an official we can pin the blame on.

“I have been very clear.”

Beep beep beep, look out voters – I’m backing into a U-turn.

“The real question here . . . “

I don’t like your question, so I’ll waffle on about something I do want to talk about.

“What I’m hearing from hard-working Kiwis as I travel up and down the country . . .”

Actually, it’s what the data from our extensive polling and focus groups says.

“That’s a matter for the party. That’s an operational matter.”

I might be in charge but someone else can take the fall for this mess.

“Talking about rising levels of immigration is not racist.”

But I’m happy for all the racists to vote for me.

“After a hard day campaigning there’s nothing I like more than a cold beer/fish and chips with the family.”

Until the cameras are off and I can crack open that $175 bottle of Central Otago pinot noir.

“I’m here to talk about our new policy.”

Please stop asking me questions about whether I have the support of my party.

“There are questions the Government must answer/We are calling for an independent inquiry.”

We can’t quite prove what we are insinuating but it looks dodgy and we needed to put out a press release.

“My caucus is united . . .”

. . . By the fact they’d rather have someone else in charge.

“The only poll that matters is on September 20.”

We’re screwed.