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October 6, 2012 8:00am by Kokila Patel

General Debate 6 October 2012

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General Debate

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Johnboy

While going through his wife’s dresser drawers, a farmer discovered three soybeans and an envelope containing $30 in cash. The farmer confronted his wife, and when asked about the curious items, she confessed: “Over the years, I haven’t been completely faithful to you.”

“When I did fool around, I put a soybean in the drawer to remind myself of my indiscretion,” she explained.

The farmer admitted that he had not always been faithful either, and therefore, was inclined to forgive and forget her few moments of weakness.

“I’m curious though,” he said, “Where did the thirty dollars come from?”

“Oh that,” his wife replied, “Well, when soybeans hit ten dollars a bushel, I sold out!”
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October 6, 2012 9:23pm
nasska

Three guys go to see a witch doctor about their problems.

One has a smoking problem, one is an alcoholic and one is gay but wants to change.

The doctor puts a curse on them that if any of them indulge their habits again they will die.

Two days later the alcoholic dies because he gave in and had to drink.

The next day the gay guy and the smoker are walking down the street together. The smoker sees a cigarette lying and the ground and stops to stare at it.

The gay guy looked at him and said “if you bend over and pick that up we are both fucked!”
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October 6, 2012 9:26pm
Johnboy

On a drive in the country, a city slicker noticed a farmer lifting one of his pigs up to an apple tree and holding the pig there as it ate one apple after another. The farmer repeated this with a second, then a third pig. “Maybe I don’t know what I’m talking about,” said the city slicker, “but if you just shook the tree so the apples fell to the ground, wouldn’t it save a lot of time? “Time?” said the farmer. “What does time matter to a pig?”
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October 6, 2012 9:27pm
Johnboy

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. Upon leaving for another ranch to check on the possibility of buying a bull, the brunette tells her sister, When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I’ll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.

The brunette arrives at the man’s ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I’ve bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.

The telegraph operator explains that he’ll be glad to help her, then adds, It’s just 99 cents a word. Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she’ll only be able to send her sister one word. After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, I want you to send her the word comfortable. The operator shakes his head. How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, comfortable? The brunette explains, My sister’s blonde. The word’s big. She’ll read it real slow. ( com-for-da-bull )
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October 6, 2012 9:30pm
Johnboy

A young man from Ireland called Seamus finds himself in dire trouble.

His farm has gone bust and he’s in serious financial trouble. He’s so desperate that he decides to ask God for help. He goes into the Church and begins to pray “God, please help me, I’ve lost my Farm and if I don’t get some money, I’m going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lotto.”

Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it.

Seamus goes back to the Church. “God, please let me win the lotto, I’ve lost my Farm, my house and I’m going to lose my tractor as well.”

Lotto night comes and Seamus still has no luck!!

Back to the Church. “My God, why have you forsaken me?? I’ve lost my Farm, my house, my tractor and my wife and 17 children are starving. I don’t often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Why won’t you just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order???.”

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Seamus is confronted by the voice of GOD himself: “Seamus, meet me half way on this one, buy a ticket.”
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October 6, 2012 9:32pm
nasska

Three bulls heard via the grapevine that the Rancher was going to bring yet another bull onto the ranch, and the prospect raised a discussion among them.
1st Bull: “Boys, we all know I’ve been here five years. Once we settled our differences, we agreed on which 100 of the cows would be mine. Now, I don’t know where this newcomer is going to get HIS cows, but I ain’t givin’ him any of mine!”
2nd Bull: “That pretty much says it for me, too. I’ve been here three years and have earned my right to the 50 cows we’ve agreed are mine. I’ll fight ‘im ’til I run ‘im off or kill ‘im, but I’M KEEPIN’ ALL MY COWS!”
3rd Bull: “I’ve only been here a year, and so far you guys have only let me have 10 cows to ‘take care of.’ I may not be as big as you fellows, but I am young and virile, so I simply MUST keep all MY cows!”
They had just finished their big talk when an eighteen wheeler pulls up in the middle of the pasture with only ONE ANIMAL IN IT: the biggest Son-of-Another-Bull these guys had ever seen! At 4700 pounds, each step he took toward the ground strained the steel ramp to the breaking point.
1st Bull: “Ahem…You know, it’s actually been some time since I really felt I was doing all my cows justice, anyway. I think I can spare a few for our new friend.”
2nd Bull: “I’ll have plenty of cows to take care of if I just stay on the opposite end of the pasture from HIM. I’m certainly not looking for an argument.”
They look over at their young friend, the 3rd bull, to find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns, and snorting.
1st Bull: “Son, let me give you some advice real quick. Let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it.”
3rd Bull: “Shit, he can have ALL my cows. I’m just making sure he knows I’M a bull!”
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October 6, 2012 9:32pm
Johnboy

A jogger running down a country road is startled as a horse yells at him “Hey – come over here buddy”. The jogger is stunned but runs over to the fence where the horse is standing and asks, “Were you talking to me”? The horse replies, “Sure was, man I’ve got a problem. I won the Kentucky Derby a few years ago and this farmer bought me and now all I do is pull a plow and I’m sick of it. Why don’t you run up to the house and offer him $5,000 to buy me. I’ll make you some money cause I can still run.” The jogger thought to himself, “Boy a talking horse!” Dollar signs started appearing in his head. So he runs to the house and the old farmer is sitting on the porch. The jogger tells the farmer, “Hey man I’ll give you $5,000 for that old broken down nag you’ve got in the field”. The farmer replies, “Son, you can’t believe anything that horse says – He’s never even been to Kentucky.”
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October 6, 2012 9:46pm
Johnboy

A hindu priest, rabbi and a lawyer were driving down the road, when the car breaks down. Fortunately finding a farmhouse nearby, the farmer informed them that he had only one spare room, and that it had only two twin beds. They were welcome to it, but one of them had to sleep in the barn. After much discussion, the hindu volunteered to go to the barn. A few moments later, a knock on the bedroom door, and the hindu explained that there was a cow in the barn, and cows are sacred and he could not possibly sleep in the barn with a cow. Annoyed, the rabbi volunteered. A few moments later, a knock on the door. The rabbi explained that there was a pig in the barn and that he, being very orthodox, could not possibly spend the evening in the barn with the origin of pork. Finally the lawyer said that he would go to the barn. A few moments later there was a knock on the door. It was the cow and the pig!
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October 6, 2012 9:48pm
nasska

Elsie the Cow and Ferdinand the Bull were on either side of a fence.
Elsie the Cow gave him a wink and he leaped over the fence to her side.
“Aren’t you Ferdinand the Bull?” she asked.
“Just call me Ferdinand. The fence was a lot higher than I thought.”
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October 6, 2012 9:52pm
Johnboy

You win nasska. I’m off to my pit! 🙂
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October 6, 2012 9:53pm
hj

Nostradamus (2,284) Says:
October 6th, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Dodgy Penny has gone (into the Police van).
……….
My backs a bit dodgy, i was concerned about those policemen’s/women’s backs. Penny should have some consideration.
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October 6, 2012 11:16pm
Manolo

Good on Israel: http://www.foxnews.com/world/2012/10/06/israel-shoots-down-unpiloted-aircraft-reports-say/?test=latestnews
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October 7, 2012 6:59am

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