Guest Post: An Australian menage a trois

This is a guest post by commenter Peter Freedman, who has offered to do a semi-regular guest post on Australian politics.

This is a tale of a menage a trois among three people – Kevin, Julia and Tony.

Kevin hates Julia and Julia hates Kevin. Tony detests both of them.

Kevin used to be Prime Minister of Australia and wants to be again. Julia IS PM, but probably not for long. Tony wants so desperately to be PM he’d probably kill Kervin and Julia to get there.

Let’s start with Kevin. Known inevitably as Krudd, he is the candidate from heaven, a chubby cheeked cherub with skin of milk who sends matrons aquiver. All they want is to clasp him to their ample bosom.  But underneath the angelic appearance is a foul-mouthed, temper tantrummed tyrant who has been described as a sociopath and a psychopath ( by his friends!).

People love him because he is so adorable and swearing is compulsory here, even from committed Christians.

Kevin was an awful PM who couldn’t find his phone because of the mess on his desk. But he could speak Mandarin, which made him a perfect Foreign Minister. Now he isn’t either, and Australia is both richer and poorer as a result.

Now to Julia. She is a Helen Clark clone without the political savvy. A lawyer, she once pronounced “hyperbole” as “hyperbowl”. Even Australians, who talk about “chance” and “dance”, instead of “charnce” and “darnce” knew “hyperbowl” right.

Julia, variously known as “Joolya” or “Juliar” knows less about political tactics than your average earthworm. Her fuck ups are legendary – her latest was to drag in former NSW Premier Bob Carr as Foreign Minister without bothering to consult Defence Minister Stephen Smith who really, really, really wanted the job. PS: Watch Smith, he is a future Australian Prime Minister.

Julia has courage, deliberately breaking her promise on a carbon tax was as brave as anything I’ve seen in a long time.

So Labor has Kevin, popular but hopeless, and Juliia, unpopular but highly capable. United the two would make a bloody good PM, but given they won’t even talk to each other, any sort of conjoining is unlikely.

And now we come to Tony, known as Jug Ears or Budgie Smuggler, due to his wearing “sweemers” (that’s togs to you) which so configurate his genitals as to resemble a helpless bird

Tony is the only thing Labor has going for it. Imagine Trevor Mallard heading Labour in NZ…………the rottweiller turned into pack leader. Find out what Abbott did to Pauline Hanson, it definitely wasn’t consensual.

And I thought Australian politics were boring………

Peter lives in Queensland, Australia.