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January 6, 2012 10:00am by David Farrar

Choosing your religion

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iMP

Funny but where is Rugby, NZ’s state religion?
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January 6, 2012 10:05am
Other_Andy

Not sure about the hummus.

Lebanon set a record for the largest plate of hummus Saturday in the continuing gastronomic war with Israel over the regional delicacy.

http://articles.cnn.com/2010-05-09/world/lebanon.hummus_1_lebanese-industrialists-israelis-dish?_s=PM:WORLD
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January 6, 2012 10:12am
Steve

Are the Catholics on the other side of the page?
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January 6, 2012 10:17am
Scott Chris

Holy Fuck! I’m a Mayan.
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January 6, 2012 10:35am
Manolo

Wrong, Scott. You’re a wanker. 😀
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January 6, 2012 10:42am
Scott Chris

Manolo says:- “Wrong, Scott. You’re a wanker.”

~More reasoned debate from one of the resident intolerant assholes~

The only way to deal with people like you is to be an even bigger asshole.

And because I’m smarter than you, I will always win.

On the other hand, if you want to be civil, then you’ll probably find that I will comment less often.

Win win.
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January 6, 2012 10:51am
PaulL

You want to worship a ton of gods, but not be reincarnated? Surely the best thing about religion is the potential of reincarnation. Having lots of gods to remember with no downstream benefit seems irrational.

As for me, if I was just a bit richer I’d be a Scientologist.
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January 6, 2012 10:59am
dog_eat_dog

~More reasoned debate from one of the resident intolerant assholes~

I love the taste of irony in the morning.
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January 6, 2012 11:01am
ZenTiger

Didn’t expect atheism to be a dead end so soon in the chart.
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January 6, 2012 11:02am
BlairM

ZenTiger – atheism is literally a dead end.
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January 6, 2012 11:21am
Falafulu Fisi

Scott Chris, I think that what Manolo is trying to say may be that you’ve been making love to your right-hand in recent months if you hadn’t scored a transvestite in K’Rd for christmas. I can take you to my trannie cuz in South Auckland if you wish so that you can break the drought weather.
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January 6, 2012 11:24am
Scott Chris

dog_eat_dog says:- “I love the taste of irony in the morning.”

You don’t get it do you? If you want to start a fight, I’m not going to back down and I will respond in kind.

Just as you just did you fool.

So there is no irony here. I may be acting like an asshole within the context of my exchange with manolo and you, but I am primarily interested in reasoned debate and tolerance. Simple.

Funny how intolerant righties get all sniffy when someone gives them a dose of their own medicine. Now *that’s* ironic.
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January 6, 2012 11:24am
Scott Chris

Nah Fella Fulla Fallacies. I wank with my left hand.

You want another flame war too?
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January 6, 2012 11:27am
Clint Heine

Good grief, this post is deliberately out to bring out the mentalists. Good. We should do one on the Catholics too. Has to involve liking choir-boys and oppressing women 🙂
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January 6, 2012 11:31am
Falafulu Fisi

SC…

I wank with my left hand.

So, Manolo is correct? Then why did you get agitate in the first place?
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January 6, 2012 11:31am
Scott Chris

Blair M says:- “atheism is literally a dead end.”

They all are Blair. When you die, you die. You only live on in the memories of those left behind and in the consequences of your actions when you were alive.

So in effect, we are all immortal because we are all part of the existential continuum. But that’s all. Your consciousness dies with your brain. There is no such thing as a soul.

FFF – not in the nasty sense that manolo meant it. Really I’m a nice guy to nice people
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January 6, 2012 11:33am
ZenTiger

It would have to include the branch of anti-Catholics that get a hard-on for creating anti-Catholic charts.
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January 6, 2012 11:34am
Feral Kiwi

Disappointingly low on the questions that really matter:
– How do you feel about pirates?
– Can spaghetti be sentient?

By neglecting these vital issues, the flow chart can never uncover the legions of Pastafarians.

May you be touched by his noodly appendage. Ramen.
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January 6, 2012 11:39am
Wayne91

Scott – “Funny how intolerant righties get all sniffy when someone gives them a dose of their own medicine. Now *that’s* ironic.”

Its not just a “rightie” trait Scott – go have a look at the “STANDARD” I got threatened with a ban for criticising someone that “Wished the Mad Butcher would hurry up and die” He was allowed to get away with it. So intolerence and hypocrisy abounds amongst “Lefties” as well.

Ive actually only got one New Years resolution this year – and thats to stay away from the Standard alltogether – to much negativity and intolerence over there. At least here you can get some reasoned debate.

Although I do also promise to be more tolerent of people who believe in the mystical fella in the sky who has control over everything as well. I will never agree with them though.
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January 6, 2012 11:42am
iMP

Could we have a non-religion chart too, with numbers of people murdered by each category. Nazis, Pol Pot, Communism, the Kims. Thad be fun, too.
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January 6, 2012 11:44am
Scott Chris

Wayne91

I take you’re point. Intolerance is a human trait which is not confined to the right. One should really use the word ‘illiberal’.
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January 6, 2012 11:49am
PaulL

iMP: if we’re having a chart that has murders by category, we’d presumably need to include murders by religions as one of the groupings – I seem to remember a number of religions being particularly bloodthirsty at points in time.

Which is a polite way of pointing out that your religious blinkers are getting in the way of having a laugh.
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January 6, 2012 11:51am
dime

Scott Chris – the smartest guy in the room… With the worst job, a shit house personality, no chick, no cash and no friends.

Good for you Scott.
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January 6, 2012 12:03pm
Bevan

Scott Chris:
Manolo says:- “Wrong, Scott. You’re a wanker.”

~More reasoned debate from one of the resident intolerant assholes~

Scott, I’m confused about you. Either you need to chill out and not take this whole thing so personally or are you aiming to take over Redbaiter as Kiwiblog’s new sanctimonious arsehole. Hopefully its the former in which case, chill out and as they say: its only teh Internet!

@Manolo: you owe me a monitor! 😛
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January 6, 2012 12:04pm
Manolo

I knew it, Falafulu. Scott is ambidextrous.
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January 6, 2012 12:06pm
Scott Chris

bevan says:- “you need to chill out”

Yeh maybe. No I’m not trying to take over Redbaiter’s mantle, just sticking up for myself.

dime says:- “with the worst job, a shit house personality, no chick, no cash and no friends”

Not everyone in the world is like you dime, so you can’t judge me by your standards. Funny how often the insults that people fling at others are the one’s they’ve often been called themselves. Well known behavioural phenomenon.
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January 6, 2012 12:23pm
East Wellington Superhero

The irony here is that a “worldview flowchart” for people who claim they are not ‘religious’ would not only be more complex, it’d probably be more silly. I’d also venture that it would be mapped out by what is popular and trendy, not by what is reasonable and cogent.

But hey, mocking ‘religious’ people in funny; I mock atheists and Green Party members all the time.
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January 6, 2012 12:30pm
nasska

God would like to thank you for your belief and patronage. In order to better serve your needs, He asks that you take a few moments to answer the following questions. Please keep in mind that your responses will be kept completely confidential, and that you need not disclose your name or address unless you prefer a direct response to comments or suggestions.

1. How did you find out about God?
___ Newspaper
___ Bible
___ Torah
___ Book of Mormon
___ Koran
___ Other Book
___ Television
___ Divine Inspiration
___ Word of mouth
___ Dead Sea scrolls
___ Near Death Experience
___ Near-life experience
___ Radio Rhema
___ Tabloid
___ Burning Shrubbery
___ Other (specify): _____________

2. Which model God did you acquire?
___ Yahweh
___ Jehovah
___ Allah
___ Just plain God
___ Krishna
___ Father, Son & Holy Ghost (Trinity Pak)
___ Zeus and entourage (Olympus Pak)
___ Odin and entourage (Valhalla Pak)
___ Gaia/Mother Earth/Mother Nature
___ None of the above; I was taken in by a false god

3. Did your God come to you undamaged, with all parts in good working order and with no obvious breakage or missing attributes?
__ Yes __ No
If not, please describe the problems you initially encountered here (Please check all that apply):
___ Not eternal
___ Not omniscient
___ Not omnipotent
___ Finite in space/Does not occupy or inhabit the entire universe
___ Permits sex outside of marriage
___ Prohibits sex outside of marriage
___ Makes mistakes (eg. Bishop Tamaki, Graham Capill)
___ When beseeched, doesn’t stay beseeched
___ Requires burnt offerings
___ Requires virgin sacrifices

4. What factors were relevant in your decision to acquire a God? (Please check all that apply.)
___ Indoctrinated by parents
___ Needed a reason to live
___ Indoctrinated by society
___ Needed target for rage
___ Imaginary friend grew up
___ Hate to think for self
___ Wanted to meet girls/boys
___ Fear of death
___ To piss off parents
___ Needed a day away from work
___ Enjoy organ music
___ Needed focus on whom to despise
___ Needed to feel morally superior
___ Graduated from the tooth fairy
___ My shrubbery caught fire and told me to do it

5. Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in addition to God? (Please check all that apply.)
__ Self-help books
__ Tarot, Astrology
__ Star Trek re-runs
__ Fortune cookies
__ Psychic Friends Network
__ Dianetics
__ Playboy and/or Playgirl
__ Sex, Drugs, and Rock & Roll
__ Biorhythms
__ Television
__ Mantras
__ Human Sacrifice
__ Wandering around in desert
__ Burning shrubbery
__ Other:_____________________

6. Have you ever worshipped a false God before? If so, which false God were you fooled by? Please check all that apply.
___ Odin
___ Cthulhu
___ Lottery
___ Baal
___ Beelzebub
___ The Almighty Dollar
___ The Conservative Right
___ Mick Jagger
___ A burning cabbage
___ mushrooms
___ Other: ________________

7. God employs a limited degree of Divine Intervention to preserve the balanced level of felt presence and blind faith. Which would you prefer..? (circle one)
a. More Divine Intervention
b. Less Divine Intervention
c. Current level of Divine Intervention is just right
d. Don’t know – what’s Divine Intervention?

8. God also attempts to maintain a balanced level of disasters and miracles. Please rate on a scale of 1 to 5 God’s handling of the following disasters.(1 unsatisfactory, 5 excellent):
flood
famine
the Christchurch earthquake
Phil Goff
war
pestilence
plague
NZ Labour Party
my last relationship
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January 6, 2012 1:02pm
Falafulu Fisi

Scott Chris, there is an Island night club along K’Rd called Scorpion and some of the Island chicks there love white guys (no kidding). Every time I go there I see white guys taking off with good looking Island chicks. I’m sure if you go there then there’s no doubt you’ll score. Sometimes I get irritated in buying drinks to a chick I’m attracted to whenever I go to Scorpion only to find out a white guy just walked in and asked the chick I’m chatting to at the bar to go dancing. After 2 or 3 songs, then the white guy took off with the chick. Well, it meant that I have to re-target my radar on a different chick.

Just a warning, be careful as there are 2 sometimes 3 regular island trannies there which I’ve once seen a white guy kissing passionately with one of them. He was kissing a very good looking female as he thought but actually she wasn’t. I warned the guy not to kiss her or buy her anymore drinks as she is a he. Everyone knows those 3 regular trannies, but they target new faces in that club and usually meant the white guys who got lost in K’Rd and entered Scorpion bar perhaps by mistake. So, be careful if a good looking trannie chic is approaching you over there if you decide to go hunting in Scorpion bar at some nights.
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January 6, 2012 1:27pm
Rat

The only good christian is the chick who has spent years being brainwashed by her uptight christian parents.

That christian chick shall be your next anal sex worshipper
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January 6, 2012 1:38pm
dime

Never a truer word spoken rat man
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January 6, 2012 1:50pm
Rat

Exactly Dime.

The Parachute Festival is a den hole for Soddom and Gomorrah
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January 6, 2012 2:04pm
Angus

Looks like you pair of cunts should hook up. Then you can butt fuck each other all you like.

[DPF: 50 demerits]
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January 6, 2012 4:45pm
The Scorned

Atheism…freeing oneself from a wasted life sucking the cock of a made up fantasy ghost to curry favours in return…
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January 6, 2012 4:52pm
Steve

See what happens when you are naughty Angus?

DPF gave the demerits, but God made him do it hahaha!
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January 6, 2012 5:51pm
dime

BAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA
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January 6, 2012 7:35pm
Dazzaman

Phew!

Thank God…..I’m a boring generic Christian….haha.
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January 6, 2012 8:19pm
wat dabney

The Scorned,

Maybe theists like sucking cock. Dyever think of that?
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January 6, 2012 8:26pm
Rufus

Steve – good one. 🙂

Rat / The Scorned – you’re not a very nice people. Good luck in life.

Wat, you’re being uncharacteristically offensive. I usually enjoy reading your contributions. Bit disappointed.

Scott Chris: “You don’t get it do you? If you want to start a fight, I’m not going to back down and I will respond in kind.”

And that attitude shows, ladies and gentlemen, why there will never be world peace.

How about being an adult, and rising above this school-yard nonsense? True test of character that.

You’d probably garner a lot more respect. Even from your detractors.
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January 7, 2012 9:52am
Scott Chris

Rufus says:- “How about being an adult, and rising above this school-yard nonsense?”

Them’s fightin’ words Rufus 😉 Thing is, you’re boxing too, just in your own way. I disagree with your assertion that we will never achieve world peace if we choose to retaliate. Difference between my retaliatory policy and Israel’s, for instance, is that I respond proportionately, not disproportionately, but those who may be a little robust in their debating style I’ll generally treat with respect.

As for the vandals. Well, I tried reasoning with them, then ignoring them, but now I find a surgical counter-strike to be the best method of preserving my virtual liberty.
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January 7, 2012 10:50am
Rat

Is there a Satin worship option ?

From what I understand from those people who are way more better and righteous than me, God (allegedly in his own words) murdered millions in his book ( Volume’s One and Two), whereas Satin is directly attributed to none, only implied, but nothing proven.

Thats the guy I want to follow
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January 7, 2012 3:24pm
Rufus

Satin?

Sure, you have two options – granite weave or check weave.

Oh, you mean Satan. 2 “a”s.

Sure, you’re following him already. Good luck with that.
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January 7, 2012 4:25pm

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