Drumond on the election
A funny article in the Waikato Times by Joshua Drumond. He writes on what you would know about the political parties based on blog comments, Facebook and columns from Michael Laws:
New Zealand First is the only party in this country made up entirely of zombies. Having been buried once already, it seeks popular support to help it rise from its electoral graves. Leader Winston Peters, it is said, feeds only on eels and oil, the better to grease his way back into politics.
UnitedFuture is a party of one man, Peter Dunne, notable only because he has a kind of symbiotic relationship with a weasel that lives on his head that can hypnotise people into voting for him. Otherwise useless.
The Greens are Plant Supremacists who hate humans. They eat only chlorophyll and drink only wheatgrass, strengthening themselves for the glorious slaughter. Its leader has two heads that speaks with the voice of one, and it favours renewable resources and caring for the environment – Green-speak for “an army of unstoppable robot army that will kill all the humans”. …
Labour are communists, and also Nazis. Communazis. Formerly led by famous Femmecommunazi Helen Clark, who is now destroying the United Nations.
The only thing Labour hates more than success is freedom. It wants to destroy the economy by taking money from job-creators and giving it to dole-bludgers. The more beneficiaries there are, the better this works, so bludgers are given incentives to breed. Every bludger family that successfully breeds eight future bludgers is given a pitbull (microchipped, of course, so Labour can mind-control it when the revolution comes) and a state house in Otara. What’s more, each Labour candidate has been hand-picked from a pool who have solemnly sworn to destroy the Family Unit by supporting the Gay Agenda. Fortunately, Labour has all the appeal of the Bubonic Plague at the moment, so you have no fear of them being elected. No, what you should truly fear is … National.
As the name would suggest, National is evil. How’s that? You know who else had National in their name? National Socialists. Nazis!
What’s more, National’s leader, John Key, had a Jewish mother. I think we’ve all read the Protocols of the Learned Elders of Zion. Fact: John Key has a smile that can grill a steak at 500 metres and has been used as a lighthouse beacon in emergencies.
Very good.