General Debate 9 September 2011

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mikenmild

‘Right here, right now!’
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September 9, 2011 8:04am
jaba

day off .. resting at home, will do the lawns, lunch then off to Papakura to catch the train to THE CLOUD. Hope car will be safe.
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September 9, 2011 8:06am
flipper

The South Pacific Forum, we are told, is concerned about sea levels as a “consequence of climate change [sic]’.

Unfortunately for the UN and MFAT panty waists that advise our Ministers and MPs they seem to be unaware or otherwise ignore the fact that the Flinders University, Adelaide, trans-Pacific tidal buoy project, after ten years of careful monitoring, was wound up a year or two ago after failing to find evidence of any increase whatsoever in rates of sea level rise. These data have since been confirmed by satellite readings – much disliked by AGW (aka climate change [sic]) propagandists, since they usually undermine the party line. Neither are such contra-indicative findings confined to the S. Pacific. They also apply to the Indian Ocean and so on…

Oh well, more transfer payments ? Better that we simply increase aid rather than maintain an illusion.
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September 9, 2011 8:07am
plebe

Go the Blacks (please)
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September 9, 2011 8:07am
pdm

“Go the Blacks (please)”

Plebe is that more in hope than expectation?
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September 9, 2011 8:15am
scanner

Right on Flipper, nothing that won’t be solved by the “give us money” syndrome, one of these islands managed to sell most of their land mass as fertilizer and now are claiming we should help them, the begging just never seems to know any boundaries.
The global warming Luddites seem to have brain washed these nations into believing there is a case to answer, sad really.
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September 9, 2011 8:21am
James Stephenson

Where the hell can I get an England flag for my car?
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September 9, 2011 8:22am
Scott Chris

Today is a special day for Kiwis. Why? Because the 9th of September is Tajikistan Independence Day.

We are also celebrating The Battle of Svolder, a naval battle fought on the 9th of September 999 or 1000 in the western Baltic Sea between King Olaf Tryggvason of Norway and an alliance of his enemies.

On this day in 1863 in the American Civil War, the Union Army enters Chattanooga, Tennessee. Damn those Yankees.

Oh, BTW, in case you hadn’t noticed, the RWC has started, nearly.
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September 9, 2011 8:24am
hj

The Green Party Worst List is out!

1. Meteria Turie implementation of Te Tiriti o Waitangi, “Decolonisation a priority”.
2. Kevin Hauge Exec member Piritahi Marae Hauora Trust (1997 – 1999); Pakeha Treaty Action – provided Treaty education for Pakeha, edited “Honouring the Treaty”, (1988 -1998);
3. Catherine Delahunty Social Justice Educator. Te Tiriti networking. Te Tiriti o Waitangi issues,
4. David Cleddon. Advocates iwi ownership of oil fields.
5 Jan Logie Sue Bradford’s EA 2007 – 2008, and have been involved with groups with a strong, Te Tiriti, poverty, and diversity analysis.
6. Steffan Browning: Local iwi connections including RMA, Waitangi Days, and Foreshore-Seabed. Local, Philippines Solidarity Network of Aotearoa liason, ABC organiser Waihopai spy base protests.
7. Dora Langsbury Policy Interests: Areas of interest include Maori Affairs, Treaty of Waitangi, Seabed and Foreshore, Iwi settlement process,

http://www.greens.org.nz/people/candidates

Lower down the list they have a lot of talent eg
http://www.greens.org.nz/candidates/teresa-moore
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September 9, 2011 8:25am
hj

Chris Trotter on Operation 8
“For us, the public, these two failures raise the very real possibility that we may never know what those two hunters stumbled into; the PSIU’s spy heard discussed; the SIS interception warrants revealed; and the Police’s listening devices and videos recorded.
New Zealand is one of the world’s oldest democracies: a nation committed to the rule of law. The Urewera 17 (or, at least 13 of them) have escaped prosecution and possible conviction because of that commitment. They have taken full advantage of the presumption of innocence, and have strenuously exercised their right to silence.
What they were doing up there in the bush, and to what end, remains hidden in the swirling Urewera mist.”
http://bowalleyroad.blogspot.com/2011/09/operation-that-failed.html
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September 9, 2011 8:26am
hj

Understanding decolonisation
http://www.socialistworkerarchive.net.nz/…/Decolonisation%20pamphlet%20201...
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September 9, 2011 8:29am
pdm

JS – it is just the same in London as we couldn’t get a NZ one for the Soccer World Cup there.
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September 9, 2011 8:32am
James Stephenson

pdm – I’ve seen a few around, so unless people are getting them sent over they must be available…there seem to be a few spare Tongan ones around, might have to pinch a few and do a cut&paste job!
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September 9, 2011 8:38am
david

hj. you missed Red (give me my flag back) Rusell at No2. Shock + horror there 57% women in the top 14. How discriminatory is that? Talk about do as I say not as I do! Bloody hypocrites

I demand they put more men to make the list representative.
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September 9, 2011 8:38am
slightlyrighty

Just an observation, but where are the Green’s environmental policies?
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September 9, 2011 8:55am
hj

I think Russell Norman is a pragmatist.
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September 9, 2011 9:01am
Pete George

Lower down the list they have a lot of talent eg

I met Shane Gallagher last weekend, Green candidate for Dunedin South. He seems a nice bloke and is knowledgable but will be given scant local coverage so won’t get much opportunity to show up Clare Curran. He’s too far down the list to rate much chance which is a shame, I’d personally rate him higher.
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September 9, 2011 9:02am
Pete George

I just got this email from Obama.

Peter —

I’m about to head to the Capitol to ask Congress to act on my plan to put Americans back to work.

Before I do, I wanted to write you directly to remind you that the fight to create jobs — and provide the kind of economic security for middle-class families that’s been slipping away over the last decade — won’t begin or end with the speech I give tonight.

What happens will be up to you. In the coming days and weeks, it will be up to you to pressure Congress to act — or hold them accountable if they do not.

If you’re with me, let me know. And the campaign will make sure you are looped into our efforts to support this plan.

Talk to you soon,

Barack

Gee, and I’m not even an MP yet, but I think I’ll concentrate on my own campaign and local jobs, a priority here is city and regional business development.
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September 9, 2011 9:30am
graham

I never did get a response from Toad yesterday. Wonder if you’re around today?

I won’t post the whole thing, but you made a comment on the Urewera thread:

“FFS, the people concerned advocate decolonisation.”

And I posed the question – what exactly do they want? This is a completely serious question. Toad, as someone who seems to know these people and their aims, what do they hope to achieve? What do they see as “decolonisation”? Do they want New Zeraland to become a republic? Or do they see decolonisation as a struggle against the majority Pakeha rule (as they perceive it)?

I’m interested to hear from anybody who actually knows the answers – not particularly interested in the alarmists “They want whitey to leave!!!!”
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September 9, 2011 9:35am
adze

Your decolonization link is broken, hj.
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September 9, 2011 10:11am
wreck1080

Why does this damn government need to bring in new fuel taxes of 3.5c a liter. So easy for them to do isn’t it, until , we wake up and over half the cost of petrol is taxes. Soon, tax will be 3/4 of the cost.

Reasons why they don’t need new fuel taxes to fund road building:

1. Fuel is already taxed for this purpose, why more?

2. GST has increased, thus , bringing in more fuel tax.

3. Population growth means the government collects more and more fuel tax each year anyway.

If we were required to build a roading network from scratch today, we could never afford it and it would take 500 years to get resouce consent.
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September 9, 2011 10:15am
Scott Chris

PG – “I just got this email from Obama.”

Funny, I got the exact same email, and there was me thinking the real Barry had written to me personally. Alas, ’twas just the baby kisser.
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September 9, 2011 10:27am
hj

Heres the decolonization link:
http://www.google.co.nz/url?sa=t&source=web&cd=1&ved=0CBoQFjAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.socialistworkerarchive.net.nz%2F~server%2FSocialist_Worker_NZ_Archive%2FSocialist_Workers_Organisation_Pamphlets_files%2FDecolonisation%2520pamphlet%25202010.pdf&rct=j&q=decolonisation%20%2B%20Socialist%20Worker&ei=jkZpTu7QFcfg0QGfhLibBA&usg=AFQjCNF0GB7JK5oCagyeFrv7H72Hx3BI9Q&sig2=QioWd2rpBDcQeCcyrB67kA&cad=rja
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September 9, 2011 10:52am
hj

Challenging and countering anti-Maori discourse: Practices for decolonisation
Keynote speech delivered by Dr Tim McCreanor to the New Zealand Psychological Society
Conference on 27 August 2009 in Palmerston North, on behalf of the Media and Health
Project
….
note how he dismisses the observations of early visitors to NZ as “spin”

http://www.google.co.nz/url?sa=t&source=web&cd=3&ved=0CCcQFjAC&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.shore.ac.nz%2Fprojects%2FPsychologicalSocietyKeynote.pdf&rct=j&q=decolonisation%20%2B%20Tim&ei=w0dpTuCeCc3F0AGlgLmBDA&usg=AFQjCNG5yxxP8jOLZMmBoBoeXkJoSJxyzA&sig2=CEWpcE4eOlbKPxCpmCmkMA&cad=rja
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September 9, 2011 10:58am
jaba

Obama on telly now .. I bet he actually says fuck all .. talk is cheap .. it’s called the American Jobs Act
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September 9, 2011 11:13am
RightNow

FBI Raids Solyndra Solar: one of Obama’s pet projects – they received $535million low interest start-up loan and recently declared themselves bankrupt.

http://www.nbcbayarea.com/news/local/FBI-at-Solyndra-Headquarters-129455348.html
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September 9, 2011 11:25am
jaba

wow tax cuts and incentives to business to employee people including returning vets and paid for by cutting Govt spending and adjustments to medicare annnnnnddddddddddddddddddddddddddd .. have the rich and big business pay “a little’ more. The speaker looks like he is dead
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September 9, 2011 11:25am
jaba

I bet Goff is listening to this .. cut and paste Phil
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September 9, 2011 11:26am
backster

SCOTT:…..”the Union Army enters Chattanooga, Tennessee”

Did they enter by Choo choo train?
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September 9, 2011 11:49am
kiwisimplexity

Real Sports! The Rugby World Cup 2011
Soccer is for pussies. Tennis is for Russian girls. And cricket belongs on the Asian continent. No real men play rugby.
http://kiwisimplexity.wordpress.com/2011/09/09/real-sports-the-rugby-world-cup-2011/

Blog: http://kiwisimplexity.wordpress.com
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September 9, 2011 11:53am
Inventory2

@ Jaba ; I imagine that Phil is already working on his campaign opening speech; and the last line will be:

“Can we do it? Yes we can!”

Phil Goff channels Bob the Builder 🙂
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September 9, 2011 12:07pm
jcuk

“THEY” want a monarchy decended from Queen Victoria upon whom all their claims derive.

Is that “No, real men play rugby” or “No real men play rugby” ??? 🙂

Backster … I wouldn’t be suprised if some of them didn’t …. the Railroads were an importat part of the Civil War
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September 9, 2011 12:08pm
Viking2

Mallard wants Minister of Labour to resign over Pike

Friday, 9, Sep, 2011 8:37AM

There’s a suggestion from the opposition benches that the Pike River disaster will cost the Minister of Labour her job.

http://www.telstraclear.co.nz/news/news-story.cfm?content_id=817534

Right after King resigns from parliament over the HVHS scandal and Trev quits for supplying bullies to HVHS.
What an irelevant prick you have become Trev.
Why don’t you just go away to a nice warm Island and become Govenor of Fiji.
I’m sure you would be right at home.

Idiot.
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September 9, 2011 12:29pm
Elaycee

@kiwisimplexity – are you the latest reincarnation of Philu / whoar?
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September 9, 2011 12:42pm
mikenmild

V2
The government already sent Blumsky to Niue, but maybe they could send Mallard to Tokelau.
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September 9, 2011 12:43pm
Scott Chris

Lab Grown Meat Could Be 6 Months Away:

http://www.stuff.co.nz/life-style/food-wine/5594753/Lab-grown-sausage-six-months-away

Pig cells + horse fetal serum = synthetic sausage. That’s the formula for growing meat in a petri dish.

I can ignore the yuck factor for a tasty, ethical sausage.
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September 9, 2011 3:26pm
OECD rank 22 kiwi

Obama’s speech is a big fat FAIL.
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September 9, 2011 6:31pm
Viking2

Victim’s son punched burglar outside court
12:56 PM Friday Sep 9, 2011

A burglar who confessed to his crime before entering court got more than his fair share of punishment – a few blows that resulted in a black eye.

However. the Unlearned Judge did this.

His mother said her family had bought the TV on hire purchase about two months earlier and were paying for it when it was stolen in a 3am burglary.

Pascoe, 22, and Little were earlier convicted of burglary and sentenced to six months’ supervision and ordered to perform 175 hours’ community work.

Each will pay reparation of $885 towards the stolen TV.

Anthony Kuru, 42, was charged with common assault, to which he pleaded guilty.

He was this week sentenced to 75 hours’ community work and 12 months’ supervision.

Judge Duncan Harvey also ordered him to undergo a violence prevention programme because he had problem controlling his anger.

Judge Harvey said

Little was frightened that Anthony Kuru and his family were still after him.

So the fellow whose Mother was the subject of the burg got greater punishment than the burgulars.

Sooner all judges get burgled and generally done over the better.
Get rid of their slobbering socialist must protect the criminal attitudes.
Should have given the fellow the right to kick their ass some more.
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September 9, 2011 7:32pm
Steve

Meanwhile Pascoe and Little are probably watching RWC on a stolen TV, and Kuru is not allowed to watch Rugby because it is violent.
Arsewipes
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September 9, 2011 7:37pm
Griff

http://www.scoop.co.nz/stories/PO1109/S00125/drug-law-changes-disgusted-with-dunne.htm

From Press Release: Green Cross Medicinal Cannabis Support Group

“Recommendations from bodies such as Law Commission, select committees and referendums should be at least semi binding on governments to reduce the influence of powerful lobby groups such as the alcohol industry who are responsible for many deaths each year as opposed to no known deaths from cannabis where most of the harm comes from the failed prohibition laws.

Recommendations from the law Commission would have reduced the harm/cost being done to society by all drugs, including alcohol, tobacco and prescribed medication, and a system that included education, certification, safe supply and support for problem users could have been introduced very easily.

Our current drug laws are proven failures with high drug, prison and suicide/death. Dunne and the Nats want to do more of the same failed tactics hoping for a different out come, shear madness, vote them out on election day.”
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September 9, 2011 7:53pm
reid

Our current drug laws are proven failures with high drug, prison and suicide/death. Dunne and the Nats want to do more of the same failed tactics hoping for a different out come, shear madness, vote them out on election day.

So this is your pivotal issue Griff?

You disappoint me.

Personally, my pivotal issue is:

ACT has to team up with Phil to form a nascent 1980’s Rogernomics revolution Part II, without the cup of tea.
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September 9, 2011 8:03pm
nasska

The TAB has announced the following initial odds for the Rugby World Cup: New Zealand $2.20 to win. For those of you who don’t understand how betting works, if you put $100 on them, then you’ve lost $100.
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September 9, 2011 8:13pm
Griff

Sorry boss no one to argue with
Don’t do rugby
The Burnt Penis 17 need to wait to see if more detail is coming out
The cost of alcohol I have ranted on enough for a while
There is no lefty’s to taunt
Even the Christians are being sort of normal.
No one is even posting jokes
Its sad sad day

Mind you I have been impressed with the number of cars in Auckland with both a Kiwi and Tongan flag.
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September 9, 2011 8:13pm
Griff

Act is the way
The whole way
And the only way
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September 9, 2011 8:17pm
reid

Mind you I have been impressed with the number of cars in Auckland with both a Kiwi and Tongan flag.

We live in a nice country don’t we Griff. We’re very lucky.
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September 9, 2011 8:17pm
nasska

reid

…”ACT has to team up with Phil to form a nascent 1980′s Rogernomics revolution Part II”…..

It wouldn’t be hard to arrange….Phil would sell what’s left of his soul to the Devil to have a crack at being PM & ACT’s only likely parliamentary representative is John Banks.

John will be so lonely that he would probably enjoy a chat with Phil & they could well decide to go for a rerun of Rogernomics. After all neither can get any traction with the policies they’ve got now.
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September 9, 2011 8:25pm
nasska

Griff

…”Don’t do rugby”….

Praise be! There’s still life online.
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September 9, 2011 8:29pm
Steve

I just had a think. When do NZ play the Maoris? Did anyone invite the Maoris to RWC? Must have coz there is a lot of cultural shit happening on the TV right now.
So when is the game between NZ and Maori (those special people who call the rest of us visitors)
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September 9, 2011 8:30pm
Griff

You really see that when you talk to visitors here clean green and friendly
Hopefully we will not continue to allow it to decay into some lefty socialist driven “utopia”

Its unfortunate that ACT is not pushing its younger untainted candidates forward
Brash has my respect but I find him politically Naive
Banks is to conservative right wing not liberal enough
Act is always positioned in the media as far right. It arose from the left and should be seen as more liberal.
“Liberalism (from the Latin liberalis, “of freedom”) is the belief in the importance of liberty and equal rights.Liberals espouse a wide array of views depending on their understanding of these principles, but most liberals support such fundamental ideas as constitutionalism, liberal democracy, free and fair elections, human rights, capitalism, free trade, and the freedom of religion”

Also I see ACT as strongly Fact based as in not pandering to superstition, unfounded beliefs, archaic custom or PC dreams

Its telling that among the fold there are social workers and union delegates
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September 9, 2011 8:38pm
reid

After all neither can get any traction with the policies they’ve got now.

That’s my hallucination as well, nasska.

I’m rather hoping this Sunday’s papers will announce the surprising switch.

Fingers crossed.
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September 9, 2011 8:39pm
Griff

Steve
You should be ashamed of yourself there is no such thing as “Maori” only separate tribes
“Maori” is a colonialist construct invented to allow the evil oppressors to constrain the various tribes of the Ngta handout as one homogenous group in order to steal their culture and oppress there right to eat and kill each other.
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September 9, 2011 8:47pm
nasska

How Did It Happen?” the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he set the mans broken leg.

“Well, doc, 25 years ago…”

“Never mind the past! Tell me how you broke your leg this morning.”

“Like I was saying… 25 years ago, when I first started working on the farm, that night, right after Id gone to bed, the farmers beautiful daughter came into my room and she asked me if there was anything I wanted.

I said, “No, everything is fine.”
“Are you sure?” she asked.
“I’m sure,” I said.
“Isn’t there anything I can do for you???” she wanted to know.
“I reckon not,” I replied.

“Excuse me,” said the doctor, “What the hell does this story have to do with your broken leg?!?!?”

“Well, this morning,” the farmhand explained, “when it dawned on me what she meant, I fell off the roof!”
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September 9, 2011 8:54pm
Griff

Kiwi family arrives in Australia.
Son’s first day at school and the father say’s
“OK son what happened at school today”
“I topped the class at Math’s today”.
“Well son thats because your a New zealander”

Second day at school and the father say’s
“what happened at school today”
“I topped class in English”
“Well son thats because your a New zealander”.

Third day at school and the father say’s
“What happened at school today”
“We played mini Rugby and after the game we were in the shower’s and I noticed that I had a bigger wasser than all the other boys”

“Is that because I am a New Zealander Dad”.

“No son” the father relied “that’s because your 27”.
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September 9, 2011 8:59pm
Steve

Who is ‘The Psycologist’?
http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=10750558&ref=rss
This ‘Psycologist’ will take responsibility in the event of a hicup?
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September 9, 2011 8:59pm
Steve

Well Griff, Dad and son raised the IQ of Australia and NZ.
You are good 🙂
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September 9, 2011 9:02pm
Griff

An Australian rugby fan, a South African rugby fan and a New Zealand fan are all in Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze when, all of a sudden, Saudi police rush in and arrest them.

The mere possession Of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible Crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they are all sentenced to death!

However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, They are able to successfully appeal their sentences down to life imprisonment.

By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day, their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip.

As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh announced:
“It’s my first wife’s birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping.”

The South African was first in line, he thought for a while and Then said:
“Please tie a pillow to my back.”

This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. When the punishment was done he had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.

The Australian was next up. After watching the South African’s Horror he said smugly:

“Please fix two pillows to my back.” But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again and the Australian was soon led away whimpering loudly (as they do).

The New Zealander was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said:

“You are from a most beautiful part of the world and your culture is one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!”

“Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness”, the Kiwi replied. In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me Not 20 lashes but 100 lashes.”

“Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you Are also very brave”.
The Sheikh said with an admiring look on his face.

“If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish”?

“Tie the Australian to my back.”
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September 9, 2011 9:04pm
nasska

A lonely wife brought a man she had just met at a bar home to her
bedroom one evening when she thought her husband was out of town. They
immediately tore each other’s clothes off and started going at it. She
sat up quickly in bed as she heard the key in the lock.

“Quick!” she said to the man, “It’s my husband! You’ve got to get out of
here quick!”

“Where’s the back door?”, the man asked as he grabbed his clothes.

“There isn’t one”, she replied.

“Where would you like one?” he asked.
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September 9, 2011 9:10pm
Griff

Significantly, given his progress in treatment, coupled with adherence to his parole conditions, the psychologist assessed this as being sufficient to manage his low/medium recidivism rate risk upon release

Low to medium?
That is way to high a risk to kids to let the &^%*(& out Early
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September 9, 2011 9:12pm
nasska

Griff

Your 9.04pm….bloody good!
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September 9, 2011 9:13pm
Griff

Other nation’s versions of the Haka

Seeing how the All Blacks were motivated by performing “The Haka” before their world cup games, the other nations were asked to suggest pre-match rituals of their own.

The England team will chat about the weather, wave hankies in the air and attach bells to their ankles for a while before moaning about how they invented the game, and gave it to the world, and how it’s not fair that everyone can beat them now.

The Scotland team will chant “You lookin’ at me Jimmy?” before smashing an Irn Bru bottle over their opponents heads.

The Ireland team will split into two, with the Southern half performing a Riverdance, while the Northerners march the Traditional route from their dressing room to the pitch, via their opponents dressing room.

The Welsh suggestion has been vetoed by the RSPCA.

Argentina will unexpectedly invade a small part of opposition territory claim it as their own “Las In-Goals-Areas” and then be forcibly removed by the Stewards.

Two members of the South African team will claim to be more important than the other thirteen whom they will coral between the posts while they claim the rest of the pitch for themselves.

The Americans will not be there until half time. In future years they will alter the records to show that they were in fact the most important team in the tournament and Hollywood will make a film called “Saving No8 Lyle”.

Five of the Canadian team will sing La Marsaillaise and hold the rest of the side to ransom.

The Italian team will arrive in cars shaped like red dildos, sexually harass the female stewards and then run away.

The Spanish will sneak into the other half of the pitch mow it and then claim that it was all in line with the European “grass quotas”. They will then curl up under the posts and have a kip until half time.

The French will declare they have new scientific evidence that the opposition are in fact all mad. They will then park trucks across the halfway line, let sheep lose in the opposition half and burn the officials.

The Australians will have a bar-b-que before negotiating lucrative singing and TV contracts in the UK. They will then invite their mates to come and live with them in Shepherds Bush before beating up all the women on the touchline.
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September 9, 2011 9:15pm
Viking2

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Air New Zealand one year ago, you would have $49.00 today.

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in the AA one year ago, you would have $33.00 today.
If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Canterbury Finance one year ago,you would have $0.00 today.

But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling refund, you would have received $214.00..

Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle.. It is called the 401-Keg.
recent study found that the average Kiwi walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that Kiwi’s drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year.

That means that, on average, Kiwi’s get about 41 miles to the gallon!
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September 9, 2011 9:17pm
Scott Chris

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one – and let the other one off.

A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells “You should have been here at 8:30!” he replies: “Why? What happened at 8:30?”

If this is coffee, please bring me some tea. If this is tea, please bring me some coffee. (Abraham Lincoln)

Did you all hear about the pirate movie? It’s rated ARRRR!!!

Have you heard about the new restaurant on the moon? Great food but no atmosphere.

A buddhist walks up to a hot dog vendor and says “Make me one with everything”

A guy walks into a bar… ouch!

An Irishman walks out of a bar

Dyslexics Of The World Untie.

The noblest of dogs is the hot dog, it feeds the hand that bites it.
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September 9, 2011 9:21pm
Scott Chris

The richest man is not he who has the most, but he who needs the least.
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September 9, 2011 9:22pm
nasska

Vagisil – Proud Sponsors of Red Alert.

The cream for irritating twats….
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September 9, 2011 9:24pm
Griff

On a tour of Australia, the Pope took a few days off to visit the coast for some sightseeing.

He was cruising along the beach in the Pope-mobile when there was a frantic commotion just off shore. A helpless man, wearing an All Black rugby jersey, was struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a 25 foot shark. As the Pope watched in horror, a speedboat pulled up with three men wearing Wallabies rugby jerseys.

One quickly fired a harpoon into the sharks side while the other two reached out and pulled the blue semiconscious Kiwi fan from the water. Then, using long clubs, the three beat the shark to death and hauled it into the boat.

Immediately the Pope shouted and summoned them to him.

“I give you my blessing for your brave actions. I heard that there were some bitter hatreds between Australian and NZ rugby fans, but now I have seen with my own eyes that this is not true.”

As the Pope drove off, the harpooner asked his buddies,
“Who was that?”
“It was the Pope” one replied. “He is in direct contact with God and has access to all of God’s wisdom.”

“Well” the harpooner said,
“he may have access to God and his wisdom, but he doesn’t know s**t about shark fishing. Is the bait holding up OK or do we need to get another one?”
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September 9, 2011 9:24pm
Steve

Plug.
Northcote tomorrow. Lovely food and entertainment.
http://www.northcote.co.nz/promotion.html
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September 9, 2011 9:30pm
Scott Chris

Wow! I have the choice of watching the second half of the ABs on three different channels. Think I’ll watch Family Guy.
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September 9, 2011 9:31pm
nasska

A bloke goes up to his mate at the bar & says, “That bird you came with … I think she’s a he.”
The mate responds, “What … why?”
He said, “Well when I was standing next to her at the urinal I could have sworn she had an Adams apple.”
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September 9, 2011 9:32pm
Steve

Go for 3 channels Scott, three eyes. You keep an eye on that third umpire guy ok
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September 9, 2011 9:37pm
Griff

Kiwi and an Aussie were sitting around talking one afternoon over a cold beer. After a while the Aussie says to the Kiwi, “If I was to sneak over to your house and shag your wife while you were off fishing, and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us related?”

“The Kiwi crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head, and squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question.

Finally, he says, “Well, I don’t know about related, but it sure would make us even.?
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September 9, 2011 9:42pm
Steve

nasska@ 9.24pm
Did you hear that sound? wooooossssshhhhhhh
off into cyberspace. top of the head is bald for a reason at Red Blurt
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September 9, 2011 9:45pm
Steve

Tick for Griff’s 9.42 🙂
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September 9, 2011 9:47pm
Griff

In the year 2011, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in New Zealand, and said, “Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me.

Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans.”

He gave Noah the plans, saying, “You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the
unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.”

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard – but no Ark.

“Noah!” He roared , “I’m about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?”

“Forgive me, Lord,” begged Noah, “but things have changed. I needed a building permit. I’ve been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I’ve violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Auckland Council for a decision.

Then Vector demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark’s move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.

Getting the wood was another problem. There’s a ban on cutting local trees because the department of Conservation authorities say it will upset the balance of the local ecological system.

I tried to convince them that I needed the wood to save us all from extinction – but no go!

When I started gathering the animals, the SPCA prosecuted me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.

The traffic authorities said it would take six months after completion of the ark to plan a route to the sea. I told them also that the sea would be coming to my back yard. They threatened to have me committed.

Then the Council ruled that I couldn’t build the Ark until I had arranged and conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.

I’m still trying to resolve a complaint with the The Mana party on how many affirmative action persons I’m supposed to hire for my building crew.

Unite union leader Matt McCartin says I can’t use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience.

To make matters worse, customs seized all my assets, claiming I’m trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.

So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark.”

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.

Noah looked up in wonder and asked, “You mean you’re not going to destroy the world?”

“No,” said the Lord.

“The New Zealand Government has beaten me to it.”
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September 9, 2011 9:54pm
Manolo

A good article: http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0911/63055.html
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September 10, 2011 2:10am

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