General Debate 13 September 2011

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adze

Has Happy Feet become a Happy Meal?
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September 13, 2011 8:02am
mikenmild

Who was this Cabinet Minister?
http://www.smh.com.au/rugby-union/union-news/minister-for-bad-manners-gets-stuck-into-australia-20110912-1k61y.html
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September 13, 2011 8:03am
Scott Chris

Girl tries out boyfriends handgun. 40 seconds long:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wAgtUTlnxLw

What happens next?
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September 13, 2011 8:04am
Michaels

Yesterday Goff was blaming Key for the trains and today I see he’s blaming Joyce.
I’m picking it will be McCully for tomorrow!!
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September 13, 2011 8:12am
Murray

He blame anyone he likes michael, no one is listening. No one.

I’m hoping he takes her for a buger Scott because that girl has no meat on her at all. Is she did she might have had some control.
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September 13, 2011 8:14am
jcuk

Griff and Calender Girl …. it was fine to have quarter acre sections when the population of the country was two million but now it is approaching five and more if people do not stop having children they are going to have to change their attitudes to land. As the cities and towns all around the country expand turning productive farmland into housing estates. Resources will last a hundred years .. then what? In your rather peculiar ideas of freedom I presume that the water transport would be a fleet of fizz boats each carrying one or maybe two people cloggging up the harbour and poluting it. Water buses would be fine but I doubt if that was what you suggest. Encouragement is not compulsion and loss of freedoms but the sort of thing which happens all the time as a society tries to get its people to adopt sensible practices instead of selfish individualism. Auckland is no longer the small hick town it once was but it and the country took the wrong route with the car instead of developing its public infrastructure. As a ratepaper the past 45 years I have been repeatedly sickened at the attitudes of bean counters et al in council bothing about transport losses instead of providing a public service. To me subsidising the existance of a public transport system which I rarely use is part of the running costs of my individualism, though that was not a car but a motorcycle which took up a small area while I worked in the city centre. There were people less affluent than me and I am happy to subsidise their transport so that they can be productive rather than stay-at-homes.
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September 13, 2011 8:21am
Inventory2

Indeed Murray. I’m betting that Phil Goff had that sinking feeling in his bowels on Friday night when he heard the cheers ringing around Eden Park for John Key, and realised that the 2011 election campaign was over before it began. Goff must have felt a bit like Byron Kelleher in 2003 when George Gregan sttod over him towards the end of the semi-final loss and taunted him with “Four more years; four more years”!
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September 13, 2011 8:24am
Pete George

A bit sad to see this:

Mydeology – a seven month review and final verdict

Dunedin has very poor political coverage and Mydeology was a worthwhile contribution. I’d like to build more (and diverse) Dunedin related political comment and debate, if anyone is interested in contributing contact me.
petedgeorge@gmail.com
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September 13, 2011 8:44am
Scott Chris

“I’m hoping he takes her for a buger”

I take it you mean McDonald’s Murray. Yeah, looks like she could shoot, but was used to a smaller caliber. Boyfriend’s fault.
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September 13, 2011 8:53am
Inventory2

It seems that “Eddie” at The Standard is channelling Crosby/Textor

http://keepingstock.blogspot.com/2011/09/setting-new-low-standard.html

Has anyone seen reports of people “jumping into the sea to escape the crush on the wharf” on Friday night? It would have been front page news, I would have thought. Instead, it’s all a bit Tampa-like.
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September 13, 2011 9:06am
shoreboy57

Who was this Cabinet Minister?
http://www.smh.com.au/rugby-union/union-news/minister-for-bad-manners-gets-stuck-into-australia-20110912-1k61y.html

Process of elimination – who wasn’t at the Albany game? Not the PM or Deputy.
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September 13, 2011 9:07am
Griff

jcuk
Ferrys are a under utilized transport option in Auckland. Small displacement cats 35ft+ Bus size Are cheap to build, run and maintain

With a small amount of dredging and wharfs access to Botany, Mt Wellington, East Tamaki, Otara, Remuera Town Greenhithe, East Coast bays, West Auckland on the east coast

Titirangi, Mt Roskill, Onehunga, Airport, Otahuhu Manurewa, Papakura, Mt Wellington on the west coast.
A canal could even joint the two together

Little land would be required to build the network and far less impact on the local community as compared to trains.

The main negative would be Damage to the environment due to wash, dredging etc.

Getting past the RMA etc would cost way to much. To many nimbys and “green” that just say no
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September 13, 2011 9:24am
MT_Tinman

Perhaps Shoreboy57 it was an ex-Govt. minister.
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September 13, 2011 9:32am
Scott Chris

shoreboy – “who wasn’t at the Albany game?”

Apparently Wayne Mapp was there, but there may have been others. Would he be the obnoxious type?
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September 13, 2011 9:51am
wreck1080

This pisses me off….

One of the Australians had asked a local government official who the man was, saying his behaviour was “right over the top”.

“The local suit replied: ‘Sorry. I can’t do much about it. He’s a government minister,'” the newspaper said

So, do government ministers enjoy some kind of special legal rights where nothing can be done about poor behaviour? Are we back in the mediaeval age, where the lords and ladies can behave differently to the rest of us?

This annoys me ( if the reporting is accurate which often is not the case).
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September 13, 2011 9:57am
Scott Chris

Regarding the public transport fail for the RWC opening:

One off event, so to be expected. Result of having a dog of a stadium in a silly place. Logistics could have been handled better I guess, so it will be interesting to see how the next couple of sell outs pan out. After that, who cares?
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September 13, 2011 9:58am
Johnboy

Some of Mutu’s bad eggs here.

http://www.stuff.co.nz/sport/rugby/fan-central/5611874/South-African-tourists-19-000km-off-track

“The Kiwis took the piss out of us because of our silly mistake but it was very nice and they were very friendly.”

The website of the Bay Majestic Eastbourne Hotel in Eastbourne, England, advertises splendid views directly opposite the beach, “within a few minutes walk of the bustling pier and picturesque Redoubt Gardens, and lying close to the heart of the town”.

Mr Adendorff couldn’t understand how they managed to make the colossal mistake, which left them about $363 out of pocket.

But Ms Burke’s hospitality more than made up for the mix-up.

“The welcome and the way we were treated and the way we saw Eastbourne was much better than if we had booked into a hotel,” Mr Adendorff said. “She took in two complete strangers, and it all worked out well.”

However, the English hotel would not refund him, saying he left it too late.

The pair are now in Picton, and will be back in Wellington next week to stay at the West Plaza Hotel – which Mr Adendorff has double-checked is indeed in Wellington, New Zealand.

Yesterday, Ms Burke shrugged off her generosity.

“I’ve done a bit of travelling, and sometimes you get in a tricky situation and people just help.

“That’s what Kiwis do, don’t they? They were a lovely couple.”

Not what the racist from AUT would think.
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September 13, 2011 10:04am
calendar girl

jcuk@8:21

The “quarter acre section” is a myth in modern times. A quarter-acre is a huge 1,000 sq metres, whereas most stand-alone homes today are built on something much closer to my own 324 sq m.

But the point that I was making yesterday is to deal with Auckland as it is, not as it once might have been under the ideas of a former mayor. Current land development is already under the heavy hand of regulation which you may favour, and which I acknowledge has become rather more necessary through rapid growth since the 1960s. But that doesn’t change how one deals with the Auckland that already exists as a living, breathing city. I argue against the retrofitting of European infrastructure “solutions” that don’t reflect the kind of actual city that is Auckland. In my view, the city has to find its own genuine solutions without destroying Auckland’s intrinsic charm and culture to suit the wishes of distant experts.

Haven’t got time at the moment to discuss other factors, like what you appear to regard as inevitable, unbridled population growth. The quantum and quality of long-term immigration is a critical element of this discussion, and that is a matter of our own national choice – there is nothing inevitable about immigration.
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September 13, 2011 10:27am
jaba

I see the granny Herald in the YOUR VIEWS section had given the left a free shot at the Govt .. some people rant about stuff that lacks credibility
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September 13, 2011 10:36am
rfdunedin

So now Phil Goff is criticising John Key for not using Te Reo in his speech at the opening of the RWC! Duh!
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September 13, 2011 12:04pm
wreck1080

What happened to Gareth Morgan?

I liked his policies from a few years back.

Basically, capital gains or land tax to lower our income tax to a lower flat rate.

He has gone crazy now. All these new ideas he’s come out with are just plain whacko. Did he inhale too much motorcycle exhaust?
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September 13, 2011 1:57pm
Murray

Well Philkoff didn’t use tereo to bitch about Key so nayh nyah nyah,

Is this really what he has been reduced to? Pathetic.
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September 13, 2011 2:00pm
Mick Mac

Wreck
Why don’t you think we need less taxes not more?
Don’t you think we’ll find if we lower the tax rate (especially for rich pricks) we’ll see more revenue collected?

JohnBoy
Have you registered your Race relations complaint yet?
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September 13, 2011 2:10pm
Lance

I see the NZ Herald is saying Clayton Weatherston’s supreme court appeal has been dismissed.

http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=10751496
Now can this creep STFU and go away into his hole and not appear again.
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September 13, 2011 2:55pm
F E Smith

Lance beat me to it. Seems all that hand wringing about this leave application was unnecessary, eh?
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September 13, 2011 2:58pm
mikenmild

This part of the decision amused me:
‘The applicant attempts to bolster this argument by making something of what the trial Judge said long after the trial at a conference of Judges. We have had the opportunity of reading the text of her remarks and agree with the Court of Appeal that counsel is not correctly interpreting what the Judge said. The Judge’s opinion that the New Zealand public “grew to despise Clayton Weatherston” was derived, as the Court of Appeal recorded, from the nature of the evidence in the trial, Mr Weatherston’s evidence and the way he gave it, and the fact that the trial was televised. Her opinion had nothing to do with Dr Young’s interview which is not even mentioned by her. If television coverage caused adverse sentiment in the community towards Mr Weatherston, that was because of how he conducted himself at the trial. The jury which saw the whole conduct of the trial was unlikely to have been influenced by public perception and was entitled to draw its own view. Any reaction to Mr Weatherston’s unusual conduct was generated by Mr Weatherston himself.’
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September 13, 2011 3:01pm
Longknives

I’m amazed how deathly quiet the media has been now that the ridiculously hyped “Born Free” like penguin release has turned out to be the spectacular flop most of us knew it would be.

Marine Animals generally don’t last too long when reintroduced into the wild. Just ask Keiko the “Free Willy” Orca…
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September 13, 2011 3:24pm
Pete George

The Liberalism label has been thrown into a few discussions lately, usually as a broad brush bash. Maybe it’s worth looking at what it’s supposed to stand for:

Liberalism is the belief in the importance of liberty and equal rights. Liberals espouse a wide array of views depending on their understanding of these principles, but most liberals support such fundamental ideas as constitutionalism, liberal democracy, free and fair elections, human rights, capitalism, free trade, and the freedom of religion.

The diss brigade must have a different definition in mind.
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September 13, 2011 3:37pm
Jimbob

Wreck1080 @ 1:57 pm. Morgan either came out of the closet or he is mixing with the wrong crowd since he had some of Sam’s win fall. By trade he is an economist and they tend to have no idea what they are talking about at the best of times. He has gone very righteous, hence the many novels he has wrtten lately along with the attention he demands in the media.
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September 13, 2011 4:14pm
Scott Chris

Pete George – “Maybe it’s worth looking at what it’s supposed to stand for”

According to whose definition? Here’s the wikipedia definition:

In New Zealand, the term “liberalism” has been used by a large variety of groups and organisations, but usually refers to a support for individual liberties and limited government. The term is generally used only with a reference to a particular policy area, e.g. “market liberalism” or “social liberalism”.

Unqualified liberalism is less common.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Liberalism_in_New_Zealand
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September 13, 2011 4:46pm
kiwisimplexity

Surprise! Gov’t money not spent correctly
A shocker in The Press today. It seems that money reserved by the Government for a Maori and Pacific Islander family wellbeing plan is not really going to the people who it’s intended for.
http://kiwisimplexity.wordpress.com/2011/09/13/surprise-gov%e2%80%99t-money-not-spent-correctly/

Blog: http://kiwisimplexity.wordpress.com
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September 13, 2011 4:52pm
mikenmild

longknives – yeah ‘Happy Feet to Happy Meal?’ was the phrase I heard. But seriously, loads of penguins are released back to the wild each year. And we don’t know, and probably won’t ever know if Happy Feet made it home.
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September 13, 2011 5:07pm
Griff

This is fishy it smells like we are not been told the full story

http://tvnz.co.nz/national-news/female-waka-paddlers-assaulted-rwc-opening-4399778

“Several female members of waka crews were taken to hospital after being assaulted on the Auckland waterfront during Friday’s Rugby World Cup Opening Ceremony.
Maori Party co-leader Pita Sharples says six crews of Kaihoe experienced physical assault and verbal abuse during the chaos that took place on the wharf-front”

As no one group has been singled out I am guessing that some were offended by wimin doing the haka?
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September 13, 2011 5:15pm
nasska

Griff

Agreed, something about this has the smell of poorly preserved mackerel. We may be assured that if the perpetrators of the violence were say Scottish, that fact would have been well covered by the wankers of the MSM. The silence fairly much confirms that the civilised & refined Tangata Whenua may be ever so slightly involved in the violence towards their oarswomen.

Despite the usual bullshit pushed by Turea, Sharples & their mates hakas & rowing are supposed to be the sole preserve of the males & these gentle & refined people may have lashed out after seeing their precious mana being eroded.

Perhaps there may have been some witnesses who’ll brave intimidation & ‘the bash’ to speak out.
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September 13, 2011 5:59pm
Steve

Happy Feet is Welfare Dependant, he is on his way back to NZ. It is well known that if you enter NZ without a passport you will be looked after by the warm fuzzy mob.
Happy Feet is not stupid, he knows where a free meal and free accomodation can be found, so he ditched the tracking devise (passport)
Prepare to put your hand in your wallet for donations yet again
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September 13, 2011 6:17pm
grumpyoldhori

Griff, oh dear another visitor to NZ.
Women do take part in some haka but I would have to drop into reo which you do not have the ability to understand for explanation of any NZ culture.
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September 13, 2011 6:30pm
Viking2

You can explain it? That’s incredulous.
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September 13, 2011 6:45pm
Griff

Some culture if less than 5% of the population understand it.

“Maori” culture You mean

Booze and bashing chicks
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September 13, 2011 6:49pm
nasska

Grumpy

Since the only other champion of Maori protocol &Te Reo, Off White with an Attitude, threw his toys out of the cot & buggered off we’re a bit short on cultural expertise.

Would you be able to confirm that waka rowing was the preserve of the owners of chromosomes represented by circles with little arrows at two o clock?
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September 13, 2011 6:51pm
mikenmild

From stuff:
‘The group was physically assaulted and verbally abused by people in the crowd, Maori Affairs Minister Pita Sharples said. They had finished their performance and were making their way towards the Hilton Hotel when the large group was separated by a wave of people pushing and running.’

Amazing that Griff and nasska could have it wrong…
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September 13, 2011 6:57pm
Scott Chris

Bite-size philosophy:

Philosopher Rawls attempts to reconcile freedom and equality in a principled way.

The social contract device asks what principles of justice would individuals agree to when designing society.

Justice as fairness offers an account of human nature beyond the traditions of saintly altruists or greedy egoists.

Human beings are to Rawls both rational and reasonable.

Because we are rational we have ends we want to achieve, but we are reasonable insofar as we are happy to achieve these ends cooperatively.

The Liberty Principle establishes equal basic liberties for all citizens. ‘Basic’ liberty entails the freedoms of conscience, association, and expression as well as democratic rights.

Demanding that everyone have exactly the same effective opportunities in life would almost certainly offend the very liberties that are supposedly being equalized. Nonetheless, we would want to ensure at least the “fair worth” of our liberties.

Fair worth is determined through social contract i.e. the principles of justice individuals would agree to when designing society.

So in the end, the social contract is contained within a country’s constitution
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September 13, 2011 6:57pm
nasska

A man came home from watching the RWC match between the All Blacks & Tonga.
His young son welcomed him home saying, “How was it, Dad?”
“It was terribly violent, son. In the break, the All Blacks skipper came off the field with a bruised testicle!”
“Oh, he must have been in such pain!”
“No, no, boy. It belonged to one of the Tongans.”
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September 13, 2011 7:01pm
Scott Chris

Mikenmild is at the end of his rope goes into a bar and begins drinking heavily and alone. He is noticed by a withered old hag at the other end of the bar. She goes up to him and says, “What’s the trouble, young man?”

He looks at the wrinkled creature before him and says, “Well, Ma’am, I just lost all my money in a card game, and now I’ve got to go home and tell my fiance that we can’t get married.”

The old lady says, “Well, you’re in luck! I’m a witch, and if you sleep with me, I can make a million dollars appear in your checking account in the blink of an eye!”

The young man eyed the hag apprehensively. She was hideous, covered in spots and warts and wrinkles and random hairs. But the man was desperate, and he agreed.

They went back to the woman’s house and made disturbing love all night. Finally, the man says, “So, is the money already there, or do you have to do a spell or something?”

“Tell me something, honey,” the old lady said as she lit a cigarette, “Aren’t you a little too old to believe in witches?”
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September 13, 2011 7:03pm
nasska

mikenmild

…”
‘The group was physically assaulted and verbally abused by people in the crowd,”….

I’ll take a file copy of your comment so we can have a discussion when the full facts reach sunlight.
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September 13, 2011 7:04pm
Viking2

Obama coming but forgot to tell Key or has Key forgot to tell us?

Barack Obama confirms Australia visit, set down for November

THE White House confirmed today that Barack Obama will visit Australia for the first time as President in November – immediately after the APEC leaders meeting he will host in Hawaii.

It will be the third attempt by the US President to make the trip after a visit was postponed twice early last year because of pressure to remain in Washington during a critical debate over passing health reforms, and later to cope with a disastrous oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico.

A statement issued by the White House follows a report in The Australian last week that Mr Obama had accepted an invitation from Prime Minister Julia Gillard to visit Australia.

Mr Obama’s visit on November 16 and 17 is officially linked to marking the 60th anniversary of the ANZUS defence alliance between the two countries.

About election time eh?

Or are we going to be snubbed.?

You heard it here first.
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September 13, 2011 7:06pm
Griff

Stinky

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0pb_XIkHUvQ&feature=player_embedded
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September 13, 2011 7:06pm
Banana Llama

“Or are we going to be snubbed.?”

Nah we got Hillary Clinton instead.
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September 13, 2011 7:07pm
Scott Chris

The Pope took Nasska out fishing on Lake Taupo. As they drifted on the still lake, Nasska accidentally dropped an oar and watched it float away. The pontiff stepped out of the boat, walked across the water to the oar, grabbed it and walked back to the boat. The next day back at the farm Nasska’s wife asked if he had enjoyed fishing with the Pope. “It was okay, but would you believe that guy can’t swim?
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September 13, 2011 7:15pm
nasska

Scott Chris

Surely you don’t think that I would speak of the head of the greatest little racket in the World in such an irreverent way.
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September 13, 2011 7:21pm
Scott Chris

Griff was rowing at Lake Manurewa, when suddenly a Taniwha attacked and grabbed him from his boat. He panicked and shouted “God help me!”, and suddenly, the Taniwha and everything around him just stopped.
A voice from the heavens boomed “You say you dont believe in me, but now you are asking for my help?”
Griff looked up and said: Well, ten seconds ago I didnt believe in the Taniwha either!
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September 13, 2011 7:23pm
Scott Chris

Nasska – He’s probably an atheist.
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September 13, 2011 7:25pm
Griff

A highly timid little man ventured into a biker bar in the Bronx and, clearing his throat, asked, “Um, err, which of you gentlemen owns the Doberman tied outside to the parking meter?”

A giant of a man, wearing biker leathers, his body hair growing out through the seams, turned slowly on his stool, looked down at the quivering little man and said, “It’s my dog. Why?”

“Well,” squeaked the little man, obviously very nervous,”I believe my dog just killed it, sir.”

“What?” roared the big man in disbelief. “What in the hell kind of dog do you have?”

“Sir,” answered the little man, “It’s a four week old puppy.”

“Bull!” roared the biker, “How could your puppy kill my Doberman?”

“It appears that he choked on it, sir.”
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September 13, 2011 7:27pm
Scott Chris

I posted this late last night but I thought it might be worth repeating. Made me laugh, and I’m sure Lee01 would like it:

Lee01 was walking across a bridge one day, and he saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So he ran over and said, “Stop! Don’t do it!” “Why shouldn’t I?” he said. Lee said, “Well, there’s so much to live for!” He said, “Like what?” Lee said, “Well, are you religious or atheist?” He said, “Religious.” Lee said, “Me too! Are your Christian or Buddhist?” He said, “Christian.” Lee said, “Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?” He said, “Protestant.” Lee said, Me too! Are your Episcopalian or Baptist? He said, “Baptist!” Lee said, “Wow! Me too! Are your Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord? He said, Baptist Church of God!” Lee said, “Me too! Are your Original Baptist Church of God or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?” He said, “Reformed Baptist Church of God!” Lee said, “Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915?” He said, “Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915!” Lee said, “Die, heretic scum!” and pushed him off.
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September 13, 2011 7:29pm
nasska

There’s a Space Shuttle mission to the moon with two monkeys and a blonde woman on board.
The headquarters in the US calls:
“Monkey number 1, Monkey number 1 to the television screen.”
He sits down and he is told to release the pressure in compartment 1, note the temperature in engine 4 and to release oxygen to the thrusters.
So the monkey does the pressure, checks the temperature and releases the oxygen.
A few moments later headquarters calls again:
“Monkey number 2, monkey number 2 to the television screen.”
He sits down and he is told to add Carbon Dioxide to room 4, to stop the fuel injection to engine 3, to add nitrogen to the fuel compartment and to analyse the solar radiation.
So the monkey does the carbon dioxide, the fuel injection, the nitrogen and the analysis of solar radiation.
A little later on, headquarters calls again:
“Blondie please, blondie approach the screen.”
She sits down and just as she is about to be told what to do she says…..
“I know, I know!! Feed the monkeys, don’t touch anything.”
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September 13, 2011 7:30pm
Griff

A mid-level executive was so frustrated at being passed over for promotion year after year, that, in frustration, he went to a brain-transplant center in the hope of raising his I.Q. 20 points.

After a battery of physical and psychological tests, the center’s director told him that he was an acceptable candidate.

“That’s great!” the executive said. “But I understand that this procedure can be really expensive.”

“Yes, sir, it can,” the director replied. “An ounce of accountant’s brain for example, costs one thousand dollars; an ounce of an economist’s brain costs two thousand; an ounce of a corporate president’s is forty-five thousand. An ounce of a politician’s brain is seventy-five thousand dollars.”

“Seventy-five thousand dollars for an ounce of a politician’s brain? Why on earth is that?”

“Do you have any idea,” the director asked, “how many politicians we would have to kill?
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September 13, 2011 7:34pm
nasska

Ways to maintain a healthy level of insanity:

1) At lunch, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hairdryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2) Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.

3) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

4) Put your garbage can on your desk and label it “IN.”

5) When trying on clothes in a dressing room, yell out “there is no toilet paper in here”

6) In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sexual favors.”

7) Finish all your sentences with “in accordance with the prophecy”

8. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

9) Specify that your drive-thru order is “to go”

10) Sing along at the opera

11) Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.

12) When the money comes out the ATM, scream “I won, I won!”

13) Tell your children over dinner, “due to the economy, we are going to let one of you go”.
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September 13, 2011 7:46pm
kowtow

High Court starts with waiata and karakia?
The report doesn’t make it clear if this was part of our judicial procedure.
http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=10751187
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September 13, 2011 7:49pm
Griff

Two cannibals meet one day. The first cannibal says, “You know, I just can’t seem to get a tender missionary. I’ve baked ’em, I’ve roasted ’em, I’ve stewed ’em, I’ve barbecued ’em, I’ve even tried every sort of marinade. I just cannot seem to get them tender.”

The second cannibal asks, “What kind of missionary do you use?”

The other replied, “You know, the ones that hang out at that place at the bend of the river. They have those brown cloaks with a rope around the waist and their sort of bald on top with a funny ring of hair on their heads.”

“Ah ha!” he replies. “No wonder.. those are friars!”
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September 13, 2011 7:53pm
Scott Chris

Beer drinkers self-help:

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward
ceiling.

SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION: Have yourself leashed to bar.

SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.

SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of
face.
ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.

SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT: Bar has closed.
ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender.

SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and
textures.
FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal
limitations.
ACTION: Cover mouth.

SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear.
FAULT: It’s water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
ACTION: Punch him.

SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
FAULT: You have been in a fight.
ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was
them.

SYMPTOM: Don’t recognize anyone, don’t recognize the room
you’re in.
FAULT: You’ve wandered into the wrong party.
ACTION: See if they have free beer.

SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.
FAULT: The beer is too weak.
ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves.
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September 13, 2011 8:03pm
nasska

Father Duffy walks into the convent and sees Sister Rose washing the kitchen floor. He’s overcome with desire and pushes her onto the ground.

As he’s banging her the Rev Mother comes in.

“SISTER ROSE!!!” she roars “Have some respect. Arch your back girl and keep Father Duffy’s balls off the wet floor!!”
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September 13, 2011 8:07pm
Scott Chris

Steven Wright Quotes:

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.

At one point he decided enough was enough.

Babies don’t need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach… it pisses me off! I’ll go over to a little baby and say ‘What are you doing here? You haven’t worked a day in your life!’

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier… I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

Hermits have no peer pressure.

How young can you die of old age?

I bought some batteries, but they weren’t included.

I bought some instant water one time but I didn’t know what to add to it.
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September 13, 2011 8:12pm
nasska

Two voices, male and female, on an overnight
“red eye” plane flight: “I think everyone’s
asleep, let’s go”
Sound of steps.
“This one’s empty. No one is looking. You
go in first”
“It’s a bit cramped, let me sit down”
“Have you got the condom? Quick, put it on”
Sniff sniff “Ah perfume! You think of everything.”
“This is great…” (long sigh)

Static on the loud speaker then a new voice.
“This is the captain speaking, to those two
people in the rear toilet. We know what you’re
doing, and it is expressly forbidden by the
Government that YOU elected. Now, put those
cigarettes out and take the condom off the
smoke detector…!”
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September 13, 2011 8:21pm
wat dabney

Sarah Palin speaks sense shocker

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/09/10/us/10iht-currents10.html

I know kids, I’m scare too.
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September 13, 2011 8:28pm
Nookin

Griff – a politician’s brain is the most expensive because it hasn’t been used.
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September 13, 2011 10:00pm
tristanb

What disrespect both TV3 and TV1 News have made to Michael Clarke the pensioner who died alone in his council flat. He was an intensely private person, and no-one discovered his body for a year.

So, after bleating on about how private he wanted to live his life, both channels have a national news article about the guy! I realise that this was just a cynical attempt by the channels to try and find a human interest story, and I’m used to that. I don’t really care about the guy, and he probably wasn’t very endearing to those who knew him.

But it annoys me so much that the reporters can’t realise the irony in publicising the shitty life of this old man who only ever wanted to be alone, at the same time sanctimoniously admonishing the council for not checking on him!
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September 13, 2011 11:01pm
Manolo

A new achievement by the Messiah: http://news.yahoo.com/census-us-poverty-rate-swells-nearly-1-6-142639972.html
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September 14, 2011 7:11am
Scott Chris

wat dabney

I see what you’re saying, but since when did ‘burning all your bridges’ get anyone elected? Palin may be being more honest than usual and maybe even a little paranoid, but she’s committing political suicide if she continues with the persecution theme.

Same mistake Winston Peters made. Get off side with everyone, and all you’ve got left is populism. Yuck.
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September 14, 2011 7:18am
Pete George

What disrespect both TV3 and TV1 News have made…

Maybe they should solve the problem themselves, they could have reality TV shows on
“Checking up on private old people in case they die”.

I don’t see much difference in not finding someone dead for a day, a week, a month or a year. Except if the rent stops – they didn’t explain if that kept on autopaying (along with auto-pension).
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September 14, 2011 8:03am
plebe

The Huddle Yesterday, on NewstalkZB.The differance between Larry Williams(facist NewtalkZB host)and our host David F is David F lets us post.I wonder why David Farrar, wasted time in a huddle with a bauld headed hate merchant, on a talk back station,this host who bores and NEVER takes talk back calls NEVER, except from his three supporters, Just a thought ,David ,have pride, Larry W is like toliet paper, the same old same old crap.
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September 14, 2011 4:19pm

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