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August 21, 2011 8:00am by Kokila Patel

General Debate 21 August 2011

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General Debate

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Scott Chris

Little Johnny likes to gamble.
One day his dad gets a new job so his family has to move to a new city.
Johnny’s daddy thinks, “I’ll get a head start on Johnny’s gambling.”

So he calls the teacher and says, “My son Johnny will be starting your class tomorrow but he likes to gamble so you’ll have to keep an eye on him.”
The teacher says OK, she can handle it.

The next day Johnny walks into class and hands the teacher an apple and says, “Hi, my name is Johnny.”
She says yes I know who you are.
Johnny smiles and says, “I bet you ten dollars you’ve got a mole on your butt.”
The teacher thinks that she will break his little gambling problem so she takes him up on the bet.
She pulls her pants down and shows him her butt and there was no mole.

That afternoon, Johnny goes home and tells his dad that he lost ten dollars to the teacher and why.
So his dad calls the teacher and says, “Johnny said that he bet you that you had a mole on your butt and he lost.”
The teacher says, “Yeah, and I think I broke his gambling problem.”
Johnny’s dad laughs and says, “No you didn’t, he bet me a hundred dollars this morning that he’d see your ass before the day was over.”
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August 21, 2011 8:24pm
nasska

Little Johnny opened the door to a salesman, the salesman asks “can I see your dad please?” Johnny replies
“no he’s in the shower”
“well, can I see your mother then?”
“she’s in the shower too.”
“oh, do you think they will be out soon?”
“doubt it, when my dad asked me for the Vaseline I gave him Superglue.”
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August 21, 2011 8:41pm
Griff

There are 3 Kiwis in a bar, the 1st one walks up to an Aussie and says, “John Eales is gay.”
The Aussie says, “yeah thats nice.”
The 2nd one walks up to him and says, “John Eales roots sheep.”
The Aussie replies, “yeah thats nice.”
At last the 3rd one walks up to him and says, “John Eales is a kiwi.”
The Aussie turns around and says, “yeah I think that’s what your friends were trying to tell me.”

Q. What do you call 15 guys sitting around the T.V watching the Rugby World Cup final?
A. The All Blacks

A lion in the zoo sitting there licking it’s hole.
A visitor says, “He doesn’t look very vicious to me.”
“Well he is.” Says the zoo keeper, “he just grabbed a aussie, pulled him through the fence and ate him all up.”
“Is that right?” says the visitor, “he seems pretty casual, why is he licking his arse?”
The zoo keeper replies, “He’s trying to get the horrible taste out of his mouth.”
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August 21, 2011 9:07pm
Scott Chris

Little Johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that “Johnny seems to be having some difficulty with the differences between boys and girls,” and would his Nanny, “Please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this.”
So Johnny’s Nanny takes him quietly, by the hand, upstairs to her bedroom, and closes the door.
First, Johnny, I want you to take off my blouse…
so he unbuttons her blouse and takes it off.
Ok, now take off my skirt…
and he takes off her skirt.
Now take off my bra…
which he does.
And now, Johnny, please take off my panties.
and when Johnny finishes removing those, she says,
“Johnny, PLEASE don’t wear any of my clothes to school any more!”
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August 21, 2011 9:17pm
nasska

A couple months back there was this trial in the Northern Territory courts. A man was being tried for fornicating with a sheep, since that’s illegal an’ all. Anyway, the key witness was an old fella who was walking along the highway by the farm where the sheep was raised. The prosecutor asked the witness what he saw:
‘Well, I was walkin’ along, and saw this sheep just’a eatin’ grass. And then this fella walks up from behind the sheep, real quiet-like.’
‘And then what?’ asked the prosecutor.
‘Then he unbuckled his belt, and pulled the sheep close.’
‘And what happened after that?’
‘Well,’ said the witness, ‘they sorta shook for a couple of minutes. THEN, afterwards, the sheep turned around… an’ licked him!’
Just then one of the members of the jury leaned over to the jury member next to him and said, ‘You know .. a good sheep’ll do that.’
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August 21, 2011 9:17pm
Scott Chris

Griff says:

Q. What do you call 15 guys sitting around the T.V watching the Rugby World Cup final?
A. The All Blacks

Oh ye of little faith.

Still, if there’s a 90 % chance of our winning the quarter-final, 70% chance of winning a semi and 65% chance of winning a final, then there’s still only a 41% chance that we will win the whole thing. Doesn’t mean we aren’t the best team, just that knockout tournaments are a bit of a lottery.
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August 21, 2011 9:29pm
Griff

15 Reasons to live in Auckland ….

1. Satan worshipping residents of Auckland are spared unnecessary anguish and discomfort when they die because the
transition to hell is hardly noticeable.
2. Auckland has fewer syllables than Wellington so that Aucklanders can spell it.
3. People who can’t get in to Wellington have to have somewhere to live.
4. Economies of scale dictate that it is economically optimal for all pretentious posers with annoying inflections and stupid
haircuts to be in the same place.
5. Auckland has such a wide variety of social, economic and cultural groupings that you can fit in no matter what kind of dork you are.
6. Aucklanders do lots of quaint self affirming things like calling their league team the “Warriors” and giving their otherwise
staid lives a hint of danger by referring to Mt Eden, Mt Wellington,and Mt Hobson as “volcanoes” even though they have been extinct for 3 million years.
7. Auckland’s town planners thoughtfully laid out Auckland over a large area so that when you are in Auckland the statistical
chances of running into an Aucklander are as low as possible.
8. Believing that City Life is a quality New Zealand drama and that Shortland Street is a showcase for up and coming New Zealand talent doesn’t seem so ridiculous when everyone else thinks so too.
9. The Auckland Rugby Union names it Super 12 team after a colour just in case they had any deaf supporters.
10. Auckland is the nation’s Prozac. People who don’t live in Auckland use that fact to ward off depression.
11. Auckland is vital to New Zealand’s defence against alien invasion. Invading space monsters will go straight to our largest
urban centre thinking it is actually important in some way. While the aliens waste their time assaulting our decoy the rest of us will have time to organise a counter strike. This aspect of Auckland has taken on added significance since the discovery of life on Mars.
12. People form Kaitaia need somewhere to go for petrol on their way to Wellington.
13. Aucklanders have recovered from their feelings of phallic inadequacy by erecting a 40 storey pole with a knob on top in the middle of the city.
14. Auckland fulfils an important role in Maori mythology Maori legend has it that the North Island is the fish of Maui. Wellington is the head and mouth of Maui’s fish, New Plymouth and Gisborne are its fins and Auckland is its arsehole.
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August 21, 2011 9:33pm

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