Blame Wanda

For those who get offended by this post, you should blame Wanda Harland.

After I posted about the 31 swear words that the BSA did research on, to determine acceptability on air, Wanda tweeted:

now try and use them all in one sentence

As friends will testify one of my weaknesses is I am intensively competitive and can never turn down a challenge, whether it be to jump off a roof, or use the 31 most offensive swear words in a sentence.

Now I tried to ignore the challenge, but my mind has a life of its own. Various combinations floated through my head while watching DVDs last night, and today I just had to put pen to paper, so to speak.

The prose below I am sure will not win any literary prizes, but does include the 31 swear words. I cheated a bit by counting the use of Jesus Fucking Christ as also counting for the use of Jesus and Jesus Christ.

To avoid un-necessary offence, the prose is after the break.

I was walking down the street thinking I’ve had already had a cunt of a day and thank God it could not get worse and then I saw the little retarded cocksucker who had called me a nigger so I yelled out “Yo Mother Fucker, fuck off from my sight or not even Jesus Fucking Christ will save your arsehole from me faggot” thinking that will cause the bastard to piss off but instead the wanker tells me to get fucked and trash talks my bitch of a wife by claiming her dick or prick is bigger than my cock, and that she is a slut and a whore who has sucked on his balls, a claim I knew was bullshit and crap as she won’t even suck on mine so I told the stupid bugger to stop talking bollocks and come up with better trash talk as I beat him into a bloody pulp.

And no do not psycho-analyse the sentence.

People are free to post their own versions below, so long as no real names (or alises) are used – ie it should be fiction – not actual abuse. Oh and no swear words beyond the 31 either.