Dim-Post on Pollsters

I’ve quoted the Dim-Post on other topics, so really can’t ignore this one!

State funded concubines for polling company directors could be the crucial issue that decides this years election according to a new poll commissioned by the Dim-Post.

The poll shows that just under 75% of those questioned rated the issue of government funded sex-slaves for persons conducting opinion polls as more important than taxation, health-care or environmental issues.

National leader John Key recently reversed Nationals longstanding policy in this area when he announced details of his Nubile Kiwi Enslavement Legislation in a luncheon speech to a consortium of land-mine manufacturers. …

Details of National’s proposed policy are still vague but information from party insiders suggest that once made law the legislation will allow polling company owners and any other marketing company director who conducts political research to roam the streets naked and shoot citizens with tasers before transporting them back to their business or residence for a lifetime of sexual bondage.

Finance Minister Michael Cullen has long resisted supplying electoral researchers with their own private harems citing human rights issues and the potential inflationary effect on the economy but voters now look set to punish his party for his reluctance to address their concerns.

Heh.