Dim-Post: Capital Coast Health Set to Outsource Healthcare

The Dim-Post returns, from a recent comment in the CCDHB thread:

Capital Coast Health Set to Outsource Healthcare

In a move he promises will ‘revolutionize’ public medicine in New Zealand interim Capital Coast Health Chief Executive Derek Milne has announced that Wellington Hospital will no longer be providing any form of health care services to Wellington residences. Instead the DHB will focus on what Mr Milne referred to as ‘core competencies’.

‘This health board needs to focus on what we can do in areas like construction and facilities management and move away from our negatives such as curing diseases and saving lives,’ Milne told the Dim-Post. ‘This will also allow us to expand into other activities of interest such as m-commerce.’

‘Hiring a team of programmers to build Web 2.0 sites is going to cost a lot less than keeping all these surgeons and specialists on payroll.’

Others have applauded the proposed solution to the problems that plagued the troubled DHB. ‘It’s hard to think of a downside to this,’ said Ministry of Health Director General Stephen McKernan speaking from a conference on Lithuanian sculpture in Mirabel-aux-Baronnies. ‘This will certainly make the Wellington health board easier to administer and budget for so everybody wins.’

Capital Coast board Chairwoman Judith Aitken was doubtful that the famous hospital grounds would continue to be used for medicine or health-care. ‘We will almost certainly outsource those tasks to service providers in South East Asia,’ she said. ‘This will free up the physical assets of the hospital to be converted to apartments and will ensure that when one of your children swallows a bottle of drain-cleaner you’ll enjoy the same high standard of support you receive when your internet connection fails.’