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April 16, 2007 7:09am by David Farrar

Personalised Plates

Whale Oil is having fun with the Personalised Plates generator, and is seeking suggestions.

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Comment33

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Labour

Comments (33)

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sonic

Was going to do one for Whaley, but unfortunatly “worstbloggerever” has far too many letters.
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April 16, 2007 9:44am
gd

The socialists have shown the total contempt they hold the citizens in. If taxpayers owe the government money we are persued with ruthless determination even to the point of driving the taxpayer to suicide.

However when political parties rob the taxpayer they ignore reasonable requests the repay the money and dont even pay use of money again as the taxpayer is required.
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April 16, 2007 11:34am
Exclamation Mark

Do you mean to say that until today you were unaware that you can only have six letters or numbers on a numberplate sonic? You need to get out more.
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April 16, 2007 11:42am
sonic

That is what we in the trade call a joke.

Look it up, fascinating concept.
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April 16, 2007 12:04pm
Exclamation Mark

What trade would that be? The unemployed stand-up comedian trade?

The thing about jokes is that they need to be funny, a characteristic that your attempt lacked.
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April 16, 2007 12:16pm
sonic

You tell us a funny joke then?
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April 16, 2007 12:49pm
Lone geek

Sonic wrote
“You tell us a funny joke then?”

How bout dis….

Helen Clark and her driver were cruising along a country road one evening when an ancient cow loomed in front of the car.

The driver tried to avoid it but couldn’t — the aged bovine was struck and killed.

Helen told her driver to go up to the farmhouse
and explain to the owners what had happened. She stayed in the car making phone calls to lobbyists.

About an hour later the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes in disarray. He was holding a half-empty bottle of expensive wine in one hand, a rare, huge cigar in
the other, and was smiling happily, smeared with lipstick.

“What happened to you,” asked Helen ?

“Well,” the driver replied, “the farmer gave me the cigar, his wife gave me the wine, and their beautiful twin daughters made mad passionate love to me ”

“My God, what did you tell them?” asked Helen.

The driver replied, “I just stepped inside the
door and said, I’m Helen Clarks’s driver and I’ve just killed the old cow. The rest happened so fast I couldn’t stop it.” !!
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April 16, 2007 1:00pm
sonic

Do you get a prize for being the 40th person to post that joke?
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April 16, 2007 1:15pm
Peter S

Sonic wrote
“You tell us a funny joke then?”

How bout dis….

Helen Clark took the Labour caucus out for a meal.

When the waiter asked for her order she chose the rump steak.

Waiter: “How would madam like the steak cooked.”

HC. “Raw”

Waiter: “Would madam be interested in having the garlic sauce with that?”

HC: (Silence and a withering stare)

Waiter: “Er, no garlic sauce then. And how about the vegetables?”

HC: “They can have the same as me.”
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April 16, 2007 1:19pm
sonic

Two recycled Margaret Thatcher jokes in a row!

Is this a record?
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April 16, 2007 2:14pm
burt

I actually though since they were about Helen Clark they were recycled Muldoon jokes !
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April 16, 2007 2:21pm
Peter S

Sonic,

You did not ask for new jokes, you asked for funny jokes.

If you notice, in my one there was the addition of the side joke about the garlic sauce, which was new, having been thought up by myself.

Just for a change of target-

David Benson Pope just won the South Island BDSM championships, haven been beaten in every round.
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April 16, 2007 2:37pm
Thomas

Why are you even bothering with Whale Oil Beef Hooked? It’s like people against the anti-smacking bill siding with people who beat their kids to death, ie. counterproductive.
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April 16, 2007 2:39pm
Peter Grooby

Hulun was on her way to the beehive one day when he came across a little boy selling puppies. She stops and asks the boy “What kind of puppies are they?”

The boy replies, “They’re Labour party puppies, Miss.” With this she smirks and walks off.

Later on that day she mentions to Peter about the boy and his puppies and suggested that it might be nice to have a puppy around the house. The next week Peter was on his way to the beautician and saw the boy and his puppies. He stops and asks the boy, “What kind of puppies are they?”

The boy replies, “They’re National party puppies, Sir.”

“National party puppies?” Peter asked. “Last week you told Hulun they were Labour party puppies!”

The boy replied, “I know, Sir. But since then they opened their eyes.”
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April 16, 2007 2:39pm
sonic

Don Brash is walking down the street, when a stick-up man pulls out a gun and says “Your money or your life!” An extremely long silence follows. “Your money or your life!” the thug repeats. Finally Don says “I’m thinking!”
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April 16, 2007 2:58pm
sonic

Or
From a member of the exclusive brethren.

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said “Stop! Don’t do it!” “Why shouldn’t I?” he said. “Well, there’s so much to live for!” “Like what?” “Well… are you religious?” He said yes. I said, “Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?” “Christian.” “Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant ? “Protestant.” “Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Bretren?” “Brethren” “Wow! Me too! Are you Brethren Church of God or Brethren Church of the Lord?” “Baptist Church of God!” “Me too! Are you original Brethren Church of God, or are you reformed Brethren Church of God?” “Reformed Baptist Church of God!” “Me too! Are you Reformed Brethren Church of God, reformation of 1879, or Reformed Brethren Church of God, reformation of 1915?” He said, “Reformed Brethren Church of God, reformation of 1915!” I said, “Die, heretic scum”, and pushed him off.
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April 16, 2007 3:02pm
dad4justice

Please change the tired old brethren of God record – as it is wearing a bit thin now !

Sonic – you have build a prima facie case you are insane much like Thomas the Tank engine and Phoool .
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April 16, 2007 3:47pm
David Baigent

Wow! sonic,
It’s going to take me a little while to figure this out..

If that’s a joke well I guess it’s just like a lame sonic comment??

If there is a message hidden in there then you need a quiet lie down (no pun intended), while I find some help.

If that’s your normal day to day thinking and it’s always like that, then I give up, you are probably beyond help.
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April 16, 2007 3:57pm
sonic

It’s a joke David, adapted from a classic Written by the comedian Emo Philips.

You can find it here (#1)

http://ship-of-fools.com/Features/2005/10_funny.html
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April 16, 2007 4:14pm
Murray

Or
From a member of the Labour party.

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said “Stop! Don’t do it!”
“Why shouldn’t I?” he said.
“Well, there’s so much to live for!”
“Like what?”
“Well whats your name?”
“Frank.”
“Me too… are you political?” He said yes.
I said, “Me too! Are you Labour or National?” “Labour.”
“Me too! Do you blieve Helen Clark is infallible?”
“Of course!”
“Wow! Me too!”
“And you believe in global warming… I mean climate change being made of course?”
“Well I’m not sure, there’s a lot of conflicting evidence”

I said, “Die, heretic scum”, and pushed him off.
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April 16, 2007 4:19pm
Craig

I’ve figured it out. Sonic is a plant from the Minstry of mis-information. His role is to confuse the enemy. i.e. anyone not already brain dead. He will continue to confuse, confound and wear down all those who are actually trying to make a sensible contribution to our country. He’s brilliant at it.
Do not let his pretend ignorance, lack of intelligence and general moronic-ness lull you into a false sense of security. Surely the Labour leaders can’t all be as stupid & pointless as our beloved Sonic pretends to be….. can they?
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April 16, 2007 4:22pm
dad4justice

And the man fell into the team emirates boat and flatened supreme leader who was going on for a leisurely sail in spain.
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April 16, 2007 4:23pm
Murray

Before shipping the cup off to Dubai because thats an Arab boat if you didn’t get the memo.

Its only registered here… and took 34 million of our tax dollars for reasons never actually explained.
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April 16, 2007 4:31pm
dad4justice

Yes Murray $34 million could buy a fair few pledgecards?

I hope the boat hits a stray iceberg tonight?
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April 16, 2007 4:36pm
Peter S

Lets be fair to Sonic, his joke was no less plagarised, old or doctored than any of the ones preceeding it.

So- Sonic, right back at you with the comments you made about our jokes.

However, if its OK to make jokes about Labour, then its OK to make jokes about National or the EBs or anyone else.
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April 16, 2007 4:44pm
Paul Marsden

Hmmmm….Must be a full moon tonight.
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April 16, 2007 5:22pm
err..

Let it never be said that righties are lacking in the humour department..
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April 16, 2007 7:20pm
David Farrar

I quite liked Sonic’s joke. The others I have heard before.
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April 16, 2007 8:16pm
side show bob

After months of ridicule from the public Dear Leader finally cracks and has a breakdown. She is then sent to the nut house for treatment. Upon arrival she gives a stirring speech spouting the virtues of the great Liarbour party. The crowd stands and claps wildly except a man standing in the corner. Some what piss off Dear Leader goes over to the man and sneers, ” Why do not clap and cheer for the gloriously achievements of the Liarbore party?”

“I’m not a lunatic, I’m the hospital attendant.”
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April 16, 2007 9:20pm
Insolent Prick

As much as I want to vomit in saying this, I quite liked Sonic’s joke, too.
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April 16, 2007 9:29pm
Inventory2

Whaleoil’s put up a gallery of suggestions – here’s the link

http://www.whaleoil.co.nz/node/3987
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April 16, 2007 10:35pm
Adolf Powell

Hi all

Peter and Helen clark were at home together on a rare quiet day. Helen suggested they get a pizza to eat in and Peter chirped in with how about a DVD. Great said Helen, how about Aladdin, hell no replied Peter, I was in trouble in LA for having a lad in.

Yours
Adolf
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April 16, 2007 11:21pm
Peter S

God, angry with the state of New Zealand, calls together three political party leaders- Helen Clark, John Key & Jeanette Fitzsimons

“I am very angry about the state of the country and I am going to destroy it as an example to the rest of the world.”

On their return, each calls a meeting of their caucus.

John Key opens the meeting saying “OK, I have good news and bad news. The good news, Bill, is that God really does exist. The bad news is he is angry & going to destroy the country unless we clean it up.”

Jeanette Fitzsimons waves her hand for silence (and to make a hole in the thick marijuana haze) and says “Comrades, I have bad news and worse news. The bad news is that the EBs are right, there really is a God. The worse news is that HE is angry and going to destroy us.”

Helen Clark breezes into the meeting, “OK, Serfs,” she grins through crooked teeth, “I have good news and I have great news. The good news is that God still thinks I’m one of the most important people in this country. The great news is that we won’t need to pay back the pledge card money.”
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April 17, 2007 8:39am

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