Leaked Foreign Affairs Protocol

I’ve had leaked to me, a secret foreign affairs protocol negotiated between Helen Clark, Phil Goff and Winston Peters:

1) The Foreign Minister can travel unaccompanied to any country with a population under 50,000. This allows him to visit Niue, Tokelau, Cook Island and most importantly Monaco.

2) The Foreign Minister can visit countries between 50,000 and 5,000,000 population so long as he is there with the Chair of the Cabinet Foreign Affairs Committee – Phil Goff

3) The Foreign Minister can visit countries with populations of over five million, if he is accompanied by the Prime Minister.

4) The Foreign Minister should *not* visit states with nuclear arms.

5) Generally the Foreign Minister should visit countries with no free press, so local media won’t point out he is against free trade and Asian immigration.