Labour’s new pledge card

I see Labour has announced it will have a seven point pledge card this election. Someone has leaked me an advance copy:

Labour pledges:

1) We will promise to considier, maybe, one day, if we are in a good mood, giving people some of their money back. But only if we like you.

2) We will have a school qualification systems that no-one can understand, so those who fail can not be discriminated against.

3) We will appoint George Hawkins as Ambassador to Niue, to get him out of the Police portfolio

4) We will have a weekly phone in poll to determine what stupid venture each week we waste $10 million on.

5) We will reclassify people on waiting list for operations as waiting for waiting lists and hence not count them.

6) We will retrospectively change the speed limit ti 180 km/hr so there is no need for a court case on 1 August involving the PM.

7) Fill in this one yourself. We will promise you whatever you would like us to, if you’ll vote for us. As long as it involves spedning, not giving people their money back.